lostandconfused,

I am sorry for your emotional pain and confusion.  I view dating as a way to get to know someone before getting deeply committed.  For most initial phases of meeting someone you like, there is “magic” and potential but then you need to get to know someone over a period of time and circumstances and environments and situations in order to learn who they are and visa versa.

Yes 6 months seems like a long time to spend in thinking about someone and wanting something more but in the grand scheme of things, it is a very short time.

Dating is not only about learning about the other person but about yourself.  You can learn more about your own values, what you are willing to do and not do, what boundaries to set, what you are willing to tolerate, how to communicate, how to resolve differences and disputes, etc.

How to move on?  Exam what you have learned about this experience and what you will do/think differently for the next relationship.

Mark

Dear lostandconfused:

I have it in my mind at the moment, after reading your earlier thread a couple of hours ago, that you are not really interested in a relationship, that is, if this guy said he was interested, you would be only partially in it with one foot out the door. Again, this is my impression after just one reading of your earlier thread.

I may be wrong, of course.

anita

Dear lostandconfused:

You were very interested in a relationship with him and you feel heartbroken, “more for what could have been than what actually was”.

The title of your thread is “Getting over a ‘non-relationship'”- but there was a dating relationship for a few weeks, eight month ago.

Then you kept in touch via email for six months, and once you moved to his city, you met a few times. You are heartbroken because you hoped for a relationship with him, maybe you hoped for a better relationship than you ever had, one with a man you really liked, with whom you had a lot in common.

When you moved to his city two months ago, you met a few times, sometimes he was really sweet, sometimes too busy, making excuses to not meet you. Finally you told him you wanted a relationship with him and he said “he wasn’t in the same place as (you)”-

– I wish he told you more, what he meant by not being “in the same place”. Geographically, you were in the same place! What did he mean, I don’t know. I wonder if you asked him.

Clearly, the email communication between the two of you for six months was not part of an agreed upon committed long distance relationship because the two of you dated other people. Your hope that there might be a relationship once you moved to his city, was it based in part on anything he said, like him being lonely even though he was dating other women, or that he can’t find a woman who is compatible with him and you were compatible, anything like that?

* I will be away from the computer for some time.

anita