Dear Alecsee:

You wrote: “I attract people when I’m happiest, but then I pour myself into them.”- this is actually very self-aware: you’re noticing that you shine when you’re grounded but lose yourself once you get attached to a partner.

But seems like you haven’t yet connected this to your fear of abandonment that drives your emotional dependency on a partner/ anxious attachment style.

You see the pattern, but not the engine driving it.

Were you abandoned as a child, emotionally, if not physically?

* Another thing I noticed is your tendency to idealize the past. In your most recent message, you’re remembering only the good parts of the relationship with “the one who ‘got away'” and ignoring the difficulties in the relationship and why it ended.

In your earlier posts, you talked about your ex as if she was perfect for you, saying things like “She was the love of my life.” and “I can’t imagine being with anyone else.”, even though she didn’t communicate, didn’t visit, blocked you, and didn’t meet your emotional needs.

It makes sense that you hold onto the good parts — they were real to you. There were beautiful moments for you and it’s okay to remember the good parts, but those relationships ended for real reasons, not because you were meant to suffer or because you missed your only chance

When someone is hurting, especially after a breakup, the mind often rewrites the past to make it feel more special, more perfect, or more meaningful than it really was. It’s a coping mechanism.

For someone with anxious attachment, the fantasy feels safer than the truth — until they feel grounded enough to face the truth (that it was a mismatch).

You don’t have to ‘get it right’ next time by choosing someone perfect from the start. You just need someone who matches you, communicates with you, and meets you halfway.

You’re not being punished. You’re growing. And the fact that you’re reflecting this much shows you’re already moving forward. You don’t have to do everything the hard way anymore — you can choose differently now, with more clarity and more self‑understanding.

🤍 Anita