Hello,

I’ll try and make this is as condensed as possible. Basically I was married for 18 years. Back in November my husband had a midlife crisis and that came with an affair and omission of alcoholism which I had already long suspected. I decided to forgive him and support him while he went to AA and we started marriage counseling. Well by January he left me for a new woman he had met in AA if you can believe it.

When I knew my marriage was over it was devastating because our family was permanently shattered. Im not proud to admit there was a side of me that wanted to quickly fill the space with another man.  For years i had pined for my first love from high school and wanted another shot with him, he had contacted me on FB 5 years earlier so i decided to reach out. Luckily for me he was single too.

Being back in touch was amazing and electric. Especially since the reason we broke up in high school was because I moved away. Now in our early 40s we both felt we had a second chance at love with one another. The biggest hitch was that I am In Texas and he’s still in our home state of California. However, he told me everything I wanted To hear. He worked from home, his kids were grown, his best friend ironically lives near me and he wants to move here.

Rushing head first I went to visit him and that first weekend was amazing in more ways than one. Then I went back again a month later to a family event a few hours drive from him and this time brought my kids who loved him. My family loved him too and he and I were quickly saying I love you. Plus, he’s incredibly hot! Like movie star good looks.

Now the negative. He lives with his older brother, drives a crappy old car and has an inconsistent income. Plus his adult kids don’t speak to him and he’s had a whole string of relationships. More red flags than I can count. But, I thought I loved him and could help him. Not surprising since I obviously have big codependency issues being married to a high functioning, financially successful alcoholic for so long. I figured I could help guide him along the right path. Well, to some extent I did, however, that meant he moved to another city in CA and started a really great job that took a lot of his time and energy away from our relationship. He still would contact me at least once a day though, whether through text or call or video chat but his attentiveness started to wane romantically. He stopped flirting with me, stopped telling me he loved me, started treating me more like a friend than a girlfriend but I attributed it to him being super busy with is new job. Plus now that he started his new job he wouldn’t be able to come visit like he kept promising me he would in May.

Anyhow, Friday morning was the last time I heard From him despite having sent him a sweet text and leaving him a voice message Friday night. Saturday it was radio silence, today still nothing so I sent him a polite well check text Saturday night still no response. Not cool. I knew what was happening. He was ghosting me.

I sent him a carefully worded email today telling him that I know what’s going on and that it’s very hurtful especially since he knows what my ex just did to me and our shared history together. That he could have at least sent me a dear John email or something. Still, nothing. Not a peep.

I believe that once he got his new job and started making money again moving to Texas suddenly didn’t sound so appealing. Especially when he knows I have 2 kids. He had even said to me at one point that he wasn’t ready to take on my family life but wanted to take time to get to know my kids which I thought made him honorable, now i realize he was being honest about his feelings about the whole thing.

Im heartbroken but now that I’m emotionally removed from him I’m seeing a lot more red flags about his life than I chose to See before. Ultimately he’s not the right man for me no matter how bad I wanted him to be. How is it that someone who for months tells you they love you, meets your people, plans a future with you, just ignores you? It’s so cruel and painful.

Can anyone share any advice to help me move on? Shared experiences? I miss him already but understand you can’t make someone love you. I told him in my email that there is no legitimate reason for the radio silence for 2 whole days. He’s been a little hot and cold in the past but nothing like this before. It really hurts ?