Dear hjanimal:

I read your whole post, but before replying further, I wonder about the situation with his friend that he told you about- can you share about it? It reads to me that there may be something significant there.

anita

Dear hjanimal:

You wrote in your original post that your boyfriend “seemed to be making excuses and backing off. He told about a situation with one of his friends that was upsetting him…but it kind of sounded like another excuse for not making an effort with me (he also might have broken his toe…”-

But the situation his friend is in is very serious. Because of the seriousness of the real life situation of his friend, if your boyfriend is close to his friend, it is way more than an excuse, and more serious than breaking his toe.

The situation with his friend might fill him with such a sense of powerlessness and (if his friend had no idea the girl was underage), such a sense of injustice, that his whole life feels to him out of his control.

You asked how to go forward. Maybe to go forward you don’t either put the relationship behind you OR go back into it full force, but take the middle-way: put on hold, or end, for now, the relationship of a bf/gf, and see the two of you as friends. In the context of friends only, you can try to help him.

anita

I think you should just leave it be for now. He clearly has a lot going on right now in his life. I would leave it as friends and whatever happens happens you know? Let him figure out how his life is going and get his two feet on the ground. The situation with his friend seems really serious but i don’t understand why that would effect his life so much. I understand that if they are super close that it is upsetting but to really be putting him in a depressive state? He should of also made more of an effort to see you before. If he has car troubles there is always a bus like a greyhound or something. I would just ride it out and see how it goes though.

It sounds to me like he isn’t real interested or else he wants to keep you hanging.  You can’t fix him, and if he cared enough about you, he would have let you know what was going on.  It doesn’t take much energy to send a short text.  If he is already holding out on you with his emotions, I would take that as a red flag.  I mean, after all, what can he do for his friend that takes so much of his time that he can’t even answer you.  Especially since you said he had posted on other social media.  Don’t call him, don’t chase him and don’t let him hurt you anymore.  You feel in your gut something is wrong, trust your gut.  I repeat, you can’t help him,, only he can do that and he isn’t asking for your help.  And more than likely you won’t get any closure either.  He wants you when he wants you and to do that he has to keep you hanging around.  Ask yourself this:  Who is doing most of the work in your relationship with this guy?  You are calling him, you are driving there, is this what sounds like a good relationship to you?  I’ve been there, and perhaps I am being overly untrusting, but to me that is a huge red flag and you need to cut your losses.  If nothing else, don’t call him, let him do the leg work, see how hard he will try.  Test it out.  Don’t take my word on it but please do listen to your gut, it doesn’t lie.  Sending you the best wishes I  can and blessings that all will turn out for you.