Dear Craig:

I agree with your statement: “I know putting myself first is best for me just as putting herself is best for her.”

Congruent with the statement, with the principle of it, seems to me that it is better for the two of you, individually, to end this relationship. What I mean by it, is to move on as if there is no future to  it, as if there is no reconnecting in the future. Holding on to hopes for a reconnection will be unfair to a girlfriend in your future. It will be in-the-way of you developing a loving relationship with another woman.

This woman reads to me like an honest woman. I hope she finds what she is looking for, the help that she needs. Somehow, for whatever reasons, she did not find that help in the relationship with you.

The hopes for a reconnection, that is a sentimental, perhaps well intentioned expressions on her part and on yours, and that is all it should be. It shouldn’t be a promise. It shouldn’t be a reason to live in an emotional in-between situation, a purgatory of sorts, waiting, waiting.

anita

WOW!!! I’ve been searching for this post for 2 months now everywhere!. My heart goes out to you and I now want to say I almost know how you feel.

But let me tell you my story. My ex now of two months ( although we were only together 4 months), told me that I deserve to have someone who wanted children and commitment, I didn’t know my friend told her that before we got together that one day I’d like to have them as most people would, broke up with me strangely and abruptly.

We both work a lot and her especially 6 to 7 a week 2 kids 2 mortgages trying to get her ex off the lease of her house so she could move on without him ( been apart for 2 years and hates him) but I know he did a lot of damage to her over the years and left some mental scars.

Now I’m not the type to fall head over heels nor be overbearing or needy and I’ve had 3 months (I’ll explain the month gap in a sec) to think about it and I know I was perfect for her I was great to her kids, she always texted me almost everyday and when I seen her …i don’t know but you can just tell by the way your partner looks at you that they are falling for you we booked a holiday together for christmas she was so excited told her kids that i had planned a suprise for them, she talked about cutting back on work this year so we could spend more time together and this is a week before the last time I seen her.

So on Halloween I came over and cooked her dinner whilst she had taken her kids trick or treating but she was distant, sat across the lounge from me staring at me told me that we can’t have sexy time tonight because she was exhausted which I said ok but through the distance I felt I just lay in bed and didn’t comfort her as I had a million thoughts running through my head at that point.

That was the last I seen her.

My friend whom set us up said she came into work and broke down so be nice to her and that was strange because she was normally so strong and at this point she had been ignoring me for 10 days I only called once to see if she was ok as I knew she needed space and I was stubborn.

25 of November I sent her a text to ask if we had broken up and she sent one back the next day sayng the children and commitment thing as well as don’t take it personally I’ve been ignoring everyone.

Now my friend told me that she told her that if she was in the right frame of mind that I’d be the one she’d settle down with, and maybe in a few months when I’m in a better head space …who knows. she said i was different then any man she had ever met and mentally stronger (if she could only see me now haha).

I didn’t get it, I didn’t and don’t understand how this could affect a person so much I’ve never been one to stress over anything but now after reading an unrelated post about depression and anxiety I put two and two together I’ve been studying everyday to learn about it in the chance she does come back I have been on dates with one foot in as I don’t want to hurt another woman just to get over my ex and I know we were only together a short while but I just had that feeling she was the one and maybe it was the type of breakup that has thrown me but I can’t stop thinking about her. Ps I’m aware that I was wearing rose coloured glasses but we clicked the moment we met. I know I just ranted on for ages but I had have had a lot of pent up questions on my mind of late and I can’t talk to anyone about this.

I would love to hear what happened since then as it has been 6 months for you now pleas let me know( if you’ve read all this rambling) if she came back or you have found someone else. Thanks

Brand new to this forum. Hi, everyone. Craig, if you’re still around… mind sharing what happened?