I’ve been struggling a lot recently (and by recently I mean 5 years). If you look back through my posts on this forum you can see that 5 years ago I hit a major crisis in my life after being made redundant. I was lucky that I got another job but it wasn’t a particularly good one and I was unhappy.

5 years on I am still in the same job, it has both gotten better and worse. I have made some friends here, but the boss is an absolute bi-polar insecure piece of crap of a human being. Incredibly unproffessional and abusive and so insecure she is threatened by anything out of the ordinary. She is nasty and spnappy when she shouldn’t be and turns a blind eye when she should as a manager be pulling people back. She is the worst manager I have ever seen. I still hate the job, it has ruined me mentally, I was almost suicidal a year ago and I am struggling financially. I am 32 and life feels like absolute crap, like I am trapped.

I have tried and tried to get another job. Applied to many, even had some interviews but nothing panned out. I am not a greenhorn, I am a professional with 8 years experience yet the market is so difficult these days I can’t even get through the door. I create custom applications for every position, I research, I customise my portfolio, I follow up with calls. I truly believe I do not do anything ‘bad’ in the process. But it is all down to luck of the draw. All of these ‘guides’ online reiterate the same crappy advice but you never know what could upset a potential employer so it is ALL down to luck of the day.

I have been told I was desperate, not ‘hungry’ enough for the job, that I lacked experience (after 7 years). That I wouldn’t fit in and of course just plain ignored.

My job is ruining my life, even as it pays the bills. I worked hard, I went to university, I did everything ‘right’ and not only has stuff not worked out even close to what it should have, I get repeatedly told online and to my face that my generation (and me by extension) are entitled. It makes my bloody boil how futile my efforts are in the face of impossible odds. And I am even getting to the age where I am now ‘too old’ by traditional standards.

I have decided that I am through with job applications, at the very least until I am qualified for the career of my choice. I can’t even get interviews for minimum wage work because I am over qualified. The job hunt is actually completely ruined and I absolutely refuse to take part in the random crap anymore. I have decided I want to be a freelancer because the job hunt will only get harder and harder to beat, and I want no part in it.

I look around at my friends and there is absolutely no correlation between those with skills and those who have jobs in their chosen field. It is purely luck. There are so many candidated for every job that are excellent that employers set ridiculous and mysterious criteria for selection, it is an absolute mess.

I’ve been to the doctors repeatedly, my health is deteriorating. I am stressed all the time. Some days I come home and cry, some mornings I just sit there staring at the wall trying to force myself to go to work. I am sick of being disrespected and demeaned at work yet ignored and demeaned by every job application. I used to spend days customising an application for every job. I can’t face it anymore. How can the job hunt be this broken and nobody fixes it. Even recruiters are just out for themselves. After 5 years at this, it doesn’t only feel hopeless, I would argue it is demonstratebly so.

I even offered free work in my city to get my name out and pad a portfolio. I got a number of responses but every one of them didn’t bother to follow up after the first couple of messages. I literally couldn’t give it away. And it is not like my work is bad, I’m not a prodigy or anything but I know my work is of a professional level.

I am currently learning web development, to get away from my field completely. I have had enough. This has nearly broken me. I have gone from wanting a dream job to just wanting ANY job I can stand and that pays me a fair wage. And even that seems too much to ask. I can see my soul is crushed, I’ve seen the progress as it happened. But it was impossible to prevent. I have no idea whether I can be a coder or not, but I need to do something. I am going to die her at this rate. The idea of working here until retirement makes me want to jump off a bridge.

I just needed to get that out. I feel like life is broken right now, not just for me but for millions of people. We cannot go on like this. I hope if I can figure out coding that I can maybe build a solution for this problem as right now the employment crisis isn’t that there aren’t enough jobs, or that candidates aren’t good enough, there is NO skills gap. Employers are demanding impossible skills and offering miniscule compensation, and putting up as many barriers to entry as they can.

It is almost dystopian in a way.