Hi Rose Lynn

I am glad that you are able to ask for help. I will provide my perspective here and it may not resonate with you today. In a few months or years, it will definitely make sense so pls bear with me. Do not take it personally as I do not mean any harm 🙂

Grass is NOT greener on the other side. You can try swapping your life with someone else’s and I can assure you that you will convert that grass into a sad one too. The problem is not outside or in other people. You need to look within to find some serious answers as to why you are feeling the way you are for some time.

You appear to be a judgmental and critical personality from your posts (I have read your other posts as well). There is nothing wrong with being that way but you wont be able to find the key of your happiness with that personality trait. What we often despise in other people is actually what is inside us that we do not like. Unfortunately, no one tells us this or teaches us this at Uni. Only with time and experiences do we get to appreciate this lesson.

You have given yourself a lot of self-limiting labels and you also appear to have some negative beliefs too. They are the ones, which are keeping you stuck in the rut. It is not anyone else from outside.

Until you are ready to accept that it is an inner journey that you need to undertake rather than an outer journey, no one will be able to assist you to create more bliss and contentment in your life.

Think about it.

Blessings,

Jasmine

Hi Rose Lynn,

One quote that always stuck with me is “The grass is greener where you water it.” it can be hard not to be jealous of your friends. I’ve experienced this feeling too, and it can get crippling very fast.

You seem to already be aware that your friends life isn’t that great. Yes, she has a house, but that doesn’t mean she will be able to keep it if she keeps showing up late to work. You will see by stepping into her shoes that although she has a house other aspects of her life are less desirable.

It does seem that you have some limiting beliefs about yourself. Don’t look at it as a bad thing though because everyone has at least one limiting belief in their life, even if they aren’t ready to admit it. Once you are able to recognize the negative self talk and limiting beliefs you can start to see the light that the future holds.

I agree with Inkrid that a good way to move to a better frame of mind is through gratitude and appreciation. Look around you and be thankful for everything you have. You have your health, you are in a country where opportunities are in abundance, you have a partner in life, and regardless of how much you don’t get paid–you have a job, which is better than not having one.

If I may suggest, create a list of everything that you are grateful for in your life, no matter how small, and each morning when you wake up, browse over the list. You will see that it makes an amazing difference on your view of life.

Thanks everyone.

Hi Rose Lynn

Thanks for asking some wonderful questions. As I was sipping my yumm and aromatic Kopi O, a “light bulb” moment occurred and I knew exactly how to approach your questions. Pls note that I am still a work in progress and may not have the “answers” that will satisfy your logic mind to the dot but I will try my best. And no, I am not in Singapore but would love to be there right this moment ;).

Everyone has opinions but those opinions that do not do us well are the ones that we should try and ditch. So how do you know if an opinion or a personal belief is serving you well or not ? Well, you experience it for yourself. If an opinion brings fear, guilt, unhappiness, discontentment, discrimination, resentment, non-acceptance etc into your life, it is not a useful belief to hang on to. However, if an opinion brings happiness, bliss, acceptance, peace and forgiveness into yours or someone else’s life, it is not a negative belief. I will let you figure out as to which of your opinions or beliefs about anything and everything are positive or negative.

When people form opinions about things or other people without going through a certain experience or being in that persons shoes, it creates a lot of confusion and disharmony. For example, you ask how do you know when someone is content or in denial ? I can answer that perfectly as I have experienced both. A feeling of content makes you vibrate at high frequencies of positivity – life is good, peaceful, happy and the emotion you feel is love. When you are in denial, everything feels confusing, fearful, resentful, envious or doubtful and the emotion you feel is fear. When we feel the emotion of fear, we are vibrating mostly at low frequencies of negativity. See the difference ? In general Universal energy terms, like energy attracts like. Positivity attracts more positivity and negativity attracts more of the same. You may not be familiar with this at this point but I can go deeper into this later if you wish.

You may ask so what determines our vibrating frequency ? Our thoughts. What affects our thoughts – everything !!

When we are critical (you can call it other things as I do not have any issues with terminology) of ourselves, other people or things around us on a consistent basis for whatever reasons, we are thinking negative thoughts, which gives rise to negative energy. You send this energy out into the Universe and what do you get in return – more of the same. Think about this for a little while and see if it resonates with you ? When we send out positive energy in the form of gratitude, selfless service, helping hand, random act of kindness, smiles, happy gestures at home or work, we get more of the same in one form or another. If you do not believe me, try it out for yourself. There is nothing better than experiencing it first hand.

Now coming back to your same sex relationship. If you have accepted yourself and your partner fully for who you both are and believe in, why do opinions of others matter so much to you ? There appears to be a conflict here and it is not an external conflict but an internal one. I wont be able to assist here but I will share my insight. When we are not able to accept ourselves for who we are, we often look for reasons that can shift the blame to the outside world. Why do we look to point fingers at environment outside of us ? Because it is the easiest thing to do and it makes us feel special and valued in our own eyes. To work on self is a lot of hard work and you need to constantly fight your logic or egoistic mind, which is not pleasant. This is where inner self journey comes into play.

Some bizarre questions to get you thinking outside of the square: does the Sun refuse to provide sunlight into your home because you are a homosexual couple ? Does the air you breathe in ask you if you are a female before it lets you inhale it ? Do the vegetables or meat that you buy question your competence before you can take them home ? What about the money exchanges that occur on a daily basis – do the bills or coins question if you are a foreigner or a local before it will go in to your wallet ? If you needed blood for whatever reasons, do you question if that blood is coming from a christian, buddhist, Muslim, homo sexual etc. I can ask many such questions and the list is endless.

What it is all getting to is that nature or things do not discriminate. We humans do. Like yourself, every other human has the capacity to discriminate, form unhelpful judgments or opinions. So can we do our bit to stop it ? Yes, of course. We all have a choice that we can use to better our and everyone else’s lives around us and bring more happiness into it !! How :
– by choosing positive thoughts over negative;
– by having a high self-esteem, which comes from working on self rather than others;
– by having respect for other individuals regardless of what their attitudes or issues are – everyone is doing the best they can in their given circumstances. We cannot be them and they cannot be us just for one simple reason being that we are as unique as it gets; and
– by being grateful for everything that you have and do not have 🙂

Time to go and eat some laksa now. Have an awesome weekend and hope Joshua and Inkrid can provide their valuable insights.

Jasmine