- This topic has 5 replies, 3 voices, and was last updated 7 years, 11 months ago by
Maria Mango.
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May 14, 2016 at 5:23 am #104499
Maria MangoParticipantHi everyone!
I’ve just recently graduated from college this last Saturday (woohoo)! That same day I moved down to Florida to start a new job and it’s been quite a whirlwind since then. I haven’t even gotten my stuff unpacked I’ve been so busy at work. Today is the first day I’ve actually been in my apartment past 7 am in the morning so I thought I’d write a little to process this incredible journey.
Over the last 4 years I’ve learned to be more independent, strong, and to go after what I want with a passion. That’s why I’m here in Florida both to move a step forward and advance my career and to fulfill a lifelong dream of living in this great state!
People always ask me, do you know anyone in Florida? The answer is no. Coming down here was like stepping out into thin air but I figured I’m young and have no real attachments yet so this is the time to take a risk. It seems to be working out so far but I heard something on the radio yesterday, a song lyric: “Freedom is a lonely road”. Nothing can be more true! While I embrace the journey, I also miss my friends, who are more like my family than my family ever was. The new job I have is also pretty stressful and requires me to travel a lot ( the upside is I get a lot more free time, I get to work independently, and I get paid to travel). It’s pretty far outside of my comfort zone, which is scary because my support system is 800 miles away. Sometimes I think about how much easier it was just to wait tables and be with my friends and I cry and think about how I want to go back.
Ironically, I feel really lonely here in paradise.
But then I get to thinking about how it’s all going to be worth it. If I’m uncomfortable now, it’s because I’ve stepped out to do bigger things and that’s never, ever easy. I may succeed massively or I may fail completely here. Only time will tell. But either way, I have the confidence in my abilities to survive. So I’ll be okay even if I’m a little shaky now.
I just feel like I’ve spent most of my life being lonely and I don’t want to be that way anymore. I think I’m ready to let some good people into my life but I don’t know how, exactly. I know it would make my life easier and less stressful down here to have some good friends but I’ve been so tough for so long, it’s hard to let people in. I’m terribly afraid of getting hurt or let down especially in these fragile circumstances.
Any advice TB community?
Thanks muchly,
-M
May 14, 2016 at 5:51 am #104500
AnonymousGuestDear Maria:
Congratulations for graduating college AND for landing a job AND for moving to Florida all by yourself, far away from your friends. You are understandably shaky, so many changes, hopes and fears. As far as I am concerned, a member here in tiny buddha, you are not alone. Every time you post here, I will reply. And I probably will not be the only one replying to you.
You wrote that you “may succeed massively or …fail completely”- notice this is All or Nothing Thinking. You may simply succeed, not necessarily massively. So please adjust your expectations to reality. Often things are not All or Nothing. There will be successes and there will be failures. How do I know? Because this is how it is for everyone.
If you expect massive success, you will be disappointed and discouraged with the first failure, and then more so with the second. If you fear complete failure, you are more likely to see the first (or second) failure as complete.
You do need social support in Florida. Pay attention to … pay attention and evaluate people over some time before getting yourself invested in anyone as a friend or beyond. Don’t let your loneliness and intense need for a friend to cloud your ability to evaluate a person correctly.
So these are my two pieces of advice: realistic, none all-or-nothing attitude and evaluate people before getting emotionally invested. Oh, I have more, when you feel fragile and scared, do something to calm yourself, anything from a walk outside, exercise, yoga, guided/ other meditation, listen to calming (to you) music, and so forth. And post here. Whenever I see a post by you (and I am online every day and quite often), I will respond to you.
You are not alone. Again, congratulations!
anita
May 14, 2016 at 6:04 am #104502Maria MangoParticipantHi Anita!
Thanks for your advice, it’s always good to have your perspective!
You guessed it, I am an all or nothing kind of gal or at least I was. I have been working on matching my expectations with reality and it is definitely hard sometimes. When I get into a situation like I’m in now, the all or nothing mentality seems to be amplified by stress. I will absolutely be partaking in some good outside time, there’s a lot of that here 🙂 and it will surely help my stress level.
It’s good to know that you and the Tiny Buddha community are out there, I definitely feel less alone! I’ll be posting a lot in the next couple of weeks for sure!
Cheers,
-M
May 14, 2016 at 6:14 am #104504AnonymousGuestDear Maria:
You are welcome! And when it gets hard and you find yourself in all-or-nothing thinking, as will happen, talk to yourself, correct that thinking again and again. And then again.
Till your next post, take good care of yourself.
anita
May 15, 2016 at 2:40 am #104559
Maria_LParticipantHello,
You are not alone 🙂 I am kind of in same position, maybe I had it even worse. Moved from a country where people are outgoing, friendly and maybe too social, lots of friends… to a wonderful country which is better in so many ways… but with more reserved nation, and I have no one here. I miss my old ones, even my ‘fake’ friends. I also developed anxiety and I fight it on daily basis, and it doesn’t go well with the silence and loneliness.
Not the best person to help maybe… lol 🙂 But I read a lot about this issue, and the best views are from those who moved 5-10 years ago. They all struggled at the beginning as i understood, but looking long term, they all wrote it’s the best thing they’ve done for themselves. For now I have skype to talk to my family and old friends… I will start zumba lessons next week and hope to have fun there at least once a week. During weekends sometimes I travel bit longer to visit friends in cities in this part of Europe. I even joined meetup groups, sometimes people have good experience with this too. Haven’t attended meeting yet though, but I am open and grateful that with internet today options are much better than 15 years ago… People often advice me to join groups, sports, clubs with people that share my interest. I will try something definitely..
Consider yourself lucky cause from my impressions Americans are really chatty and friendly, western Europe where I am people are more reserved and I guess I have to make a real effort here. I cruised the channels when I visited Amsterdam, with 3 Americans in the boat, and did more talking in that one day than whole together in 3 months here:) As I said, you are not alone, and not the only one struggling, there are many of us out there searching for our new circle of friends and starting from zero 🙂
Good luck, I hope things will work out for us for the better 🙂
May 15, 2016 at 3:52 pm #104604Maria MangoParticipantHi Marliv,
Thanks for your advice. It must have been tough to make a move like yours, but you have a such a great attitude about it, it’s very inspiring :D! I’ll definitely be joining some groups here to get myself out there to find some like minded people.
And yes it’s true, Americans are very chatty and forward, especially where I now live haha!
Good luck with everything, keep your head up 😀
Cheers,
-M
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