My boyfriend of 1 and a half years called it off with me yesterday afternoon. Although I had wanted the same thing I think he was strong enough to do it. He was my best friend and I had never loved someone as much as I loved him. I’m only 20 and know I have my whole life ahead of me but we both really saw a future with each other. Until recently I guess. Throughtout our relationship I had let my insecurities take over me for the better half of our relationship and I could tell he was fed up with the accusations I would make against him. Recently though I kind of woke up to all this and felt like I owed him so much for being there for me all the time. I’m not sure how much that had to do with our break up but he recently has become extremely unhappy worth his job and out of nowhere decided to make the move to Canada (we both live in Australia). He initially wanted me to come with him and we decided to wait 2 years for me to finish my degree at university. Then yesterday I came home from work and he told me he can’t wait 2 years and he’s going in one year with or without me. Even though I knew I didn’t want to go with him because I felt forced to and because it’s a huge thing to do in 1 year, I let my emotions take over and I was telling him that I’ll come and we’ll find a way to make it work. And he kept coming up worth reasons why I shouldn’t come such as “I don’t want to ruin your life”, “we’re just not working”, “we’re going nowhere”, “we’re two different people”, yet the whole time maintained that he needed more time to think. After hearing all of the above I was mad and said he knows what he wants to do why does he need more time to think? And so I proceeded to think about our living situation and said I’d have to come back for my stuff, then he told me that I was now forcing the break up and HE needs time to think after rebutting every single thing I said to try and work through it. He then said “okay, then I can’t do it, it’s not working”. It ended on somewhat good terms, the whole cliche “maybe we can be friends”, but I was proud of how I held myself (in the past I’ve been quite irrational and anger takes over), when he would tell me sorry I would tell him “don’t be sorry, it’s life”, and that he was going to be awesome in life and that he was right, that i was unhappy too and I do want to go and do and accomplish things in life. He left. I left, with all my belongings. And I have to say that I am in shock, it hasn’t even been 24 hours yet and I feel like it isn’t real. I somewhat keep waiting for a message from him to say he takes it back and so we can go live our lives together. I’m overcome with sadness. But I feel a tiny bit of relief that I can go and ‘spread my wings’ after spending the past few months trying to make it up to him and show him that I’m not an angry, insecure person. I’ve awoken to a lot of things about myself and I felt I had to show him that. I felt huge pressures to make everyday golden for him so that he could see how great I can be for him. Maybe it was a little too late, maybe he had enough. But now I am so sad. I’m sad that we no longer have a life together. That he can walk away just like that. I’m mad that he could set me up to think we have a future together (he would often tell me of how he wants to marry me and have kids with me in the future…he would just often talk about our future and over time it made me really set my mind on it, like it was going to happen without doubt), only to throw it away. I keep trying to tell myself that it really is for the best, we were going down to separate paths in life. That I want to finish my degree and go out and help the world. Where he is a carpenter and doesn’t see the world like I do. I don’t want to do anything, I know it takes time but I can’t stop thinking of I only could fast forward through this horrible empty feeling. I miss him so much already. I can’t help but think, does he miss me too? Will he miss me? Will he regret losing me, like I regret losing him? How soon will he find another girlfriend? When will I find someone new? I honestly can’t help but feel like no one will ever understand me the way he did. How do I push through this horrible feeling?

Any help would be much appreciated.