December 5, 2013 at 10:51 am #46263GaryParticipant
Hello all I’m trying to be mindful… be present.. and it hurts.. I just had to put an old friend down(13year old black lab) because of his health was failing him and strangely enough I had to put his brother down (because of different health issues) just over a month ago.. Pretty weird… all these years together having such great lives… and they both die within a month of each other… I was lucky enough to have brought him and his brother into my life 13 years ago. Such cute happy little black lab puppies.(so much joy they brought to those around them) I was single for many of those years(not now).. I took them everywhere with me… so many outdoor adventures and quiet kind moments (they were amazing all the things they so joyfully did with me). The both have taught me so much about love, living in the moment and forgiveness. And being yourself… they never tried to be each other. Such good teachers.
I am trying to feel this moment to welcome grief with kindness … But I don’t like it. It hurts to open yourself so fully to love..( Im 50years old never had kids) So the friendships with them were so important to me.
In my head the concept of impermanence makes sense…but today my heart does not like it.
It was pretty weird .. I had in-laws at staying at our home on the day (and for the next four days) I had take my second dog to the vet and put him down… They are very un enlightened, unfeeling…. un compassionate people at this stage in their life.
When it happened i tried to share my grief with them…bad idea. They were not capable of understanding or any kind of compassion. I don’t really hold that against them… You Know” Don’t go to the lumber store for a loaf of bread” So I just stuffed my grief… (my soul does not like that) But it seemed like what I had to do.
And that brings me to today…(one week later) I am feeling strong grief of the loss of my two buddies, my best friends for so many years… that have been such an important part of my life for so long.
I realize as I write this how much attachment I am putting on them..(my dogs, my friends, my…. my…)
My heart does not want to let go.. of them…
I have not been as good with meditating and prayer.. something like every third day instead of everyday… just have not felt the passion for it.
Any words of advice…. Ideas on how to grieve… easier..( I know that sounds silly) I used to drink,eat, Tv ect… not an option…. I worked out really hard this week several days in row…. my body is saying that is not the answer…. I guess it is time to feel this pain… sorry to say… I don’t like it..
And when I have tried to speak to people in my friendship circle… they all have kids… I don’t feel like they really understand … how deeply I loved these loving beings… how important they have been in my life for so many years….
Anyway thank you very much for letting me ramble…
May all beings have peace and free from suffering including me, StilllearingDecember 5, 2013 at 11:03 am #46264SaharaParticipant
Once upon a time a king went to lord Buddha and told him please lord Buddha “I want happiness”. then Lord Buddha told to king take the I away from your phrase it ego, and take WANT away from your phrase that is desire at the end you are end up with happiness,. As lord Buddha said my friend, some day we all are leaving this body this is just a temporary garage in this life circle, you have took care of them so long so be proud , you have been doing interested things walks and had pretty time memorize them,, leaving bodies are for every one not only for your loving dogs,, that is life, we lose our loved ones instead of grieving memorize the cherish moment you had with them.December 5, 2013 at 12:26 pm #46270KimballParticipant
I’m so sorry for your loss. The only thing I’ve ever known to ease the pain of losing a 4-legged field companion is time and a new pup.December 5, 2013 at 1:03 pm #46274SarahParticipant
I was 13 when I FINALLY got a dog for my birthday. His name was Hydro and I begged for a dog ever since I was a toddler, so he was more than special for me. Dogs are probably my favorite beings in the whole world. Hydro and I went everywhere together. When Hydro was 10, it was his time to pass. Honestly, I tried to prepare myself for the loss. But, I had no idea how I would react. He was everything to me. I became somewhat bitter. I didn’t understand why he couldn’t live longer. Two years has passed. And the biggest and most important lesson I have learned is acceptance. I don’t understand why dogs are only given to us for a short time. The other thing that helped me was hearing this:
Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.
When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.
All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor. Those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.
They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent. His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.
You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.
Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together….
hope this helps, good luck with your struggle. I hope you find the strength to grieve and heal.December 5, 2013 at 1:33 pm #46282Ray DinkinsParticipant
Hello, and sorry for your loss. My pet-sitter forwarded me this essay about a man who recently lost his lab mix. It was sad but somehow also cheerful, because of the humor and good memories. I hope it bring s some comfort: http://gawker.com/the-remarkable-tale-of-hunter-the-real-life-rescue-dog-1467039626 I lost a dear and loyal boxer a few years back (we still have our mystery mutt!) and I know I still think about our lost friend even though it has been a while. I know he’s gone and accept it, but he is also a part of me and that’s with me for life.December 5, 2013 at 7:35 pm #46293cesarParticipant
My deepest and most sincerest apologies for your losses. I have a cat that is my best friend. for over 8 years he has always been there by my side giving unconditional love and asking for nothing in return. I think that’s why we love our four legged friends so much. they give and love us and expect nothing in return. we know full well we will outlive our loved friends and we go and get attached anyways knowing full well there will be a day we will say good bye. I love my cat and I know there will be one day in the future were he will pass on. I knew that the day I picked him up as a kitten and looked into his eyes. I tell myself I will be ready when that day comes but I know full well a piece of me will die with him.
but that’s the price we pay for unconditional love and to me its worth it.
I feel for your loss and my heart goes out to you..December 6, 2013 at 9:44 am #46309MattParticipant
I’m sorry for your loss, it sucks to see those we love meet death, and then to be stuck afterward with the pain and confusion. I admire your awareness and skill in working with your emotions so directly, and seeing deeply into the nature of the mind and our experiences. Grief is painful, but it is worth it.
Consider for a moment a blazing fire that has within it a precious jewel. We can wait for the fire to burn low, and then reach into the ashes and recover it. Or, we can reach our hand into the blaze and grab it here and now. Either way, the jewel will be ours if we wish it. This is what your grief is like, brother. The jewel is the joy of your two friends. Because they have recently passed, the jewel is enshrouded in the pain of grief. You can just wait, distract yourself with working out or movies or business and wait for the freshness of the pain to turn to embers before reaching back for the joy they brought to your life. Or, you can keep your eyes on the joy, reach your mind into the happiness, and let yourself feel the pain of loss. It doesn’t really matter which way, one is not “more enlightened” than another.
Because you accept impermanence, however, and can see it in the rising and fading of your lost family memebers, you can also find it in the pain. Yes, the grief hurts. You have strong attachments to those pups. So what? Pain is just pain, and is impermanent… the joy of the pups is simply tied to the joy of the pups being alive and in front of you. However, now they are on a different journey, their energy moving on. So the jewel transforms from the the joy they bring to your heart because of who they are, into the joy they bring to your heart because of who they were. That jewel transmutes only with a mix of time and tears, and its up to you which path to take. It does not dishonor their life in anyway, either way, and the joy they bring to your heart will never diminish. Love is beautiful like that. As we erode the attached qualities of it, compassion blossoms again and again into appreciation and joy. Namaste, brother, may your pain settle and heart blossom.