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Hard time moving on and letting go of false hope

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  • #46930
    anony
    Participant

    Hey, I have been in this relationship with an 22 year old girl for almost a year. She broke up with me 2 months ago because she didn’t feel any love for me anymore and she said that we don’t fit (different personalities). She already moved on and has been partying a lot the last 2 months. She is having much fun and has already contact with other guys. Even though this is very clear I still have (false) hope and just can’t move on. Especially the thought of her being with other guys (sex or so, who knows) pains me a lot. Sometimes I want to text her and ask if she is really sure about the breakup, but deep inside I know she is. I really would like to get some advice of letting go of false hope and moving on cause it is tearing me apart right now. It would mean a lot to me.

    #46944
    Sahara
    Participant

    Dear Anony,, I am truly sorry for you. May be you loved her for seriously and may be she did for fun. Those things happen everywhere. But how old are you then 23? And how long you guys were together? If she said that there is no love for you and you guys don’t fit I think it is clear is not it? May be she is a party woman and you don’t? At some point you can text her and ask but that you should have done that at the beginning not after two months of breaking time. What is the specialty you see from her? And try to ask your own heart why I want her that much. may be you find your answer from your self 🙂

    #46952
    anony
    Participant

    Thank you for you answer. Well she is really pretty and spontaneous. She has a good job and is still studying. She lives in the city with friends, who also study over there. At the beginning she liked me more and I didn’t know what I wanted. After some time we didn’t have any contact and she was with another guy (who had a great job etc.) I realized I missed her. I said to her that is was missing her and she choose to be me with me. But after 8 month or so she said she didn’t feel ‘it’ anymore and that we are too different from each other. It was the first time I really was in love and she moved on so easily while I am pretty fucked up. I had a really bad today and was thinking whether to text her, but that won’t change anything I think. If she wanted me she had already texted me I guess. I had texted her 2 weeks after the break up if she was still thinking the same way about it and she said she does. So I have to let go the false hope and move on but I just can’t. I don’t know why.. I really want to. My mind is saying move on but some parts of my body just can’t.

    #46973
    Joanna
    Participant

    Hi Anony, maybe this won’t help at all, but what I would like to say to you is that perhaps what you need is to allow yourself to feel the way that you are feeling at the moment, even if that means maintaining a sense of ‘false hope’. It sounds like you truly loved her, and after being together for 8 months, your feelings for her won’t disappear with the flip of a switch. It must be really painful to watch her move on that quickly. Who knows what is going on in her mind. At this point she won’t say anything different, and it’s a difficult thing to accept.

    My point is.. allow yourself to miss her. It doesn’t mean you will miss her forever. Feelings do fade eventually, and for you it’s only been 2 months. There is no format that everybody should abide by. Some people might get over these things quicker and others won’t. It will all depend on you, but I promise you will be able to move on eventually. When I was trying to get over a guy (who I never even had a relationship with) I ‘researched’ all these answers on what the best way would be to get over someone. But I realized there is no answer and that I just needed to give myself time, however long it would take. You were in a relationship with this girl, so it isn’t even comparable. It is indeed probably best not to contact her anymore. And if it helps, to try to cut out all contact (facebook, email etc.) anything that would remind you of her.

    #47018
    anony
    Participant

    I am still thinking if I should text her or not. Maybe she feels different now it has been 2 months. But if she did, I guess she had already texted me. Does anyone knows how to lose this false hope and move on? Thanks..

    #47199
    manny
    Participant

    Hi Anony
    I am 59 years olds and 8 feel your pain. I was in a relationship with the ONE! My past passed away 9 years ago and I found the gal for me. I completely screwed this relationship up without getting into details. It’s been now 5 months a few texts but no phone class. She unfriended me Nd also blocked me on Facebook. I hurt everyday I have prayed that she come back. I finally deleted her phone number today..I am a wreck and have been and still very depressed. You should mourn her, take your time and feel the pain. I believe depending how much you loved her will determine the time.. When my wife died I said I would not date or see anyone.. One day it felt it was time for me to join the human race.. I listen to sad songs, think of the good times, now for the holidays it’s especially hard.
    Your not alone.. Don’t text her, email, phone calls.. It only hurts you more.. Delete her from your phone .. It’s hard but the temptation of texting will be over..

    #47269
    anony
    Participant

    I already deleted her number and blocked her on fb. But even though it’s been 2 month (1 month of NC) after the break up I still have some hope. It’s a strange feeling so I am thinking of texting her. So I could ask if she is really happy that it’s over. Even though the odds are very slim I think it can help me getting closure and finally move on. It’s been 2 months now without any progress…

    #47542
    Trixie
    Participant

    Anony, I totally get what you are trying to achieve as I’m the same. You love someone who has rejected you the pining and thinking do them leads to distraction. I have been in this vortex for two years, unfriended, blocked, nc the lot. Then a text here and there, then totally ignored via text or email. I want him to contact me and want me back but I know he has moved on. If you text her what do you want to do from there . Hi, how are you, I miss you. Then what.? If she ignores you, you will beat yourself up for being so needy,and if she answers you will feel good for a moment but like a drug it wears off then you get on a downer again. I’m not judging you as I do the same thing and wish that by being nice with Xmas cards or text that he will see the error in his ways, but are we just in denial ? I hope she comes back to you and you are happy but the % is very low. On the other hand text away and see what happens, so put yourself out of the misery of wishing & hoping. It may give you all the answers, what have you got to lose, she seems to have gone. 🙁

    #47772
    Cyd
    Participant

    Hi all,

    It will take some time to get over the bitterness ,depression, and resent. I hate to say this, but there are millions of other people out there you have the chance of getting to know and build a meaningful relationship with. I want you to remember that love is always a risk. When we decide to love, we are taking a risk at not having those feelings be reciprocated to us as well as being mistreated. Many of us do not weigh the pros and cons of falling in love. We only think of the good side of love and not the bad side. The bad side provides us with nourishment that further enhances the good side. Take some time to go through this. Feel the pain and learn from it. Learn that no matter how much you love and do right by a person and be faithful, they are not obligated to ever return those ideals to you. Keep pressing 🙂

    #47798
    Mindful
    Participant

    brother, you have a case of “ONEitis.” You’re stuck to the notion that she’s the ONE for you. Watch what people do rather than what they say. By her actions, I think she is telling you her answer.

    I cam to TB a long time ago as my marriage was desolving and I needed to find a place where I could learn about letting go. I think you are maybe here for the same reason. Your feelings for this person are real, but if you keep hanging on, you’re going to get dragged.

    Let go, buddy. Her rejection of you feels personal and I understand this. It isn’t about you – it’s about her. I recommend you focus on getting back out there and finding someone you are interested in having a relationship with. Realize now that nothing stays the same. Relationships begin and end. People change. This includes marriages and other long term relationships. People come into your life to teach you about you. You do the same for them. Take what you’ve learned from the relationship you had, and press forward. There will be many others.

    Live fully,

    HL

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