Has my purpose always been there but I didn't listen

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    I’ve always been a flighty person, I’ve had various jobs, places to live and a few long term relationships, I’ll be 40 next year. I’ve just been diagnosed with severe to moderate depressions and anxiety which me and the medical professional reckon I have had since being a teenager. I’m glad I am now finally getting my depression managed but part of my sadness relates to a feeling that I am living the wrong life. I’ve never had the respect and love for myself to actually choose what I would like to do, my core value has just been having a steady job and paying the bills. I’ve been in the same job for 8 years now and my terms and conditions are great but I feel the work is sucking the life force out of me. I feel I am on a crossroads and I don’t want to go back to the same old as I’ll end up regretting it and possibly have another severe bout of depression.
    I’ve just read the Tiny Buddha article about trying to find your life purpose, I realise that now isn’t probably the best time as I am still very low and I am waiting for the anti-depressants to kick in but I am really struggling to find my values, strengths and passions. I started thinking are my passions those things I loved when I was a kid, drawing, writing stories, making up songs, cooking & baking. But these passions seem so useless when my values are more humanitarian i.e. world peace, human diet & disease, cruelty to animals. I have started an art course which is going ok but when you’ve had a life of depression and low self-esteem it’s hard to find my true strengths. Just writing this has helped and I am sure all I need to do is stop being so demanding of myself and really listen to my thoughts and then maybe I’ll find the new path or just be ready to accept the same path .. I know time heals


    Wow Suze, I could have written this. I am 42 and am a jack of all trades and a master of nothing. I’ve been at my job almost 10 years. I’ve been on meds for dep and anx for about 8 years now. I’m at a time in my life where I feel lost and have no purpose. I too tried thiking back to what I used to like to to do. I am starting by volunteering at the anmal shelter to walk dogs. I joined a meditation meetup group that I will start going to. I don’t have an answer for you but I do hope you find the right meds, sometimes it takes a few to get the right cocktail for you. Hang in there.



    I am sorry for your suffering.

    Sadly, today’s society puts a large emphasis on ‘making a living’ rather than ‘leading a fulfilling life’. From an innocent age, we are trained and programmed to perform mechanical tasks when we are adults in which very few are life-enriching. Because many of us have conformed to such a way of life, finding an individual who can (help) teach us wholesomeness is rare leading to many of us lacking purpose and lost once we make the realization.

    This does not mean, however, that we are to remain permanently at a loss. This simply means that we must exert a little more effort than usual to undo the years of damage we’ve wrought upon ourselves in order to once again feel (more) whole. My teachers have taught me that delicate things require time and careful nurturing to thrive and prosper. Our lives are such things. We have to take things slowly. Rushing does not help nor is it productive. Similar to a complex math problem, we take the time to come to the right answer. While life contains more intricate aspects, a ‘right’ answers isn’t always correct. Instead, an answer which ‘resonates within us’ is what we should seek. In addition, do not fear should you not have all the answers. For, in fact, we are not meant to know it all. But just because we do not have an answer does not mean that we should be burdened. Sometimes, the answers arrive exactly when we’re supposed to know them. Also, not knowing an answer does not mean we should entirely give up upon our other learnings/teachings. We do not allow one person’s poor attitude dominate our entire view of life, do we? The same must be applied to our inner dealings.

    As for your hobbies/passions seeming pointless in comparison to your humanitarian values, do not for a second think so. While it is benevolent to want to perform large(r) acts to aid humanity, do you not believe that showing others what it means to ‘being present’ (in your actions) to be of fulfilling nature? And while large acts are indeed significant, please know that small acts are just as significant in humanitarian pursuits.

    I hope this helps. If not, this community will be here should you seek more of it.



    It seems we dont know what we want to do when we are younger.
    I made many mistakes that I regret, but we cant unscramble an egg and just go on
    learning new things.
    Some parents are go getters and it passes on to the kids, I didnt and just never thought of the future. My family nevrr taught me.

    no I didnt listen either till hit my 50’s, but one day at a time and we finally get it.
    my advice to you is to :look for your talents and you will find it again.

    good luck.

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