Hate my life and feeling hopeless

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This topic has 13 replies, 6 voices, and was last updated 7 years, 8 months ago by Anonymous.

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July 31, 2016 at 6:22 am #111053

Carly
Participant

Hi all

About 7 months ago my boyfriend of 7 years broke up with me. We had a lot of ups and downs but a large part of our relationship was great. I wanted to marry him and spend the rest of our lives together.

Since the breakup I am extremely depressed and honestly can’t seem to get out from getting dragged down by negative thoughts. I go to bed early wanting the day to end, but dread waking up the next day. Suicide has definetely entered my thoughts. I just can’t imagine not spending the rest of my life with him. And imagining him with someone else nearly kills me.

I have a lot of regrets about how I acted during some of the not so great parts of our relationship (he became alcohol dependent). I wish I had acted differently and been more understanding. I was offered a job out of state that we agreed I should take, but I realize now he was just saying that because he thought it would make me happy. I shouldn’t have left and it weighs on me so much every day.

I honesty hate myself and the thought of trying to start over or move on makes me dread life. I can’t find happiness in anything I used to do and cry constantly. There are so many more emotions running thought my head but it’s so hard to verbalize them.

Has anyone else felt this way before? Been in this position? any suggestions would be much appreciated.

Thank you so much

July 31, 2016 at 7:06 am #111056

Anonymous
Guest

Dear Carly:

My suggestion is that you attend psychotherapy with a competent, empathetic therapist. You posted here before on this topic, January I believe and no improvement in your depression has taken place since. Therefore, I would say, competent, professional help will be helpful to you, as soon as possible. The pain you are experiencing is not a life sentence and shouldn’t be. It is possible to move through and beyond it.

anita

July 31, 2016 at 7:28 am #111058

Carly
Participant

Hi Anita

Thank you for your reply. I have been seeing a therapist and am considering going on an anti depressant. I know that won’t help everything though so am also hoping for some suggestions from the community who has been through this on how to work through everything

Thanks!

July 31, 2016 at 7:42 am #111061

Anonymous
Guest

Dear Carly:

I hope you get the suggestions you need… but if you are seeing a therapist and she or he is a COMPETENT therapist, well… you wouldn’t be as lost as you are now, would you?

What insight and what suggestions did you already get from your sessions with your therapist?

anita

July 31, 2016 at 9:38 am #111075

Carly
Participant

Hi Anita

Thanks for your response. I’m not sure I completely agree with you. Even if you have a competent therapist (which I do) I don’t think that’s the complete solution. I think there are many factors and that is just one of them you know?

July 31, 2016 at 9:55 am #111081

Anonymous
Guest

Dear Carly:

“the complete solution” you wrote. My suggestion then would be to take on a very small, very partial solution this moment, right now. A hot bath or a cold shower; a brisk walk around a park or in nature or a swim in a cool pool; reading a thread here that addresses what you are experiencing (plenty Relationship category threads), reading how others got unstuck from depression, regret.

One solution at a time, one moment at a time: one getting out of bed and doing just this one thing right now. And then… the next thing, the next moment.

anita

July 31, 2016 at 10:23 am #111083

greenshade
Participant

Hi Carly!
I have been suffering from depression for the past 2 years as well, with the severity of it varying. It is only now that I have started to come out of it that I even realized I was depressed. I am no where near out of it completely but I can tell you the things that have helped:
1) there were situations that were/are bringing a lot of negativity into my life. I’ve been trying to change the situations I can, and tweak the situations I cant. Maybe discussing your triggers with your therapist and figuring out ways around them may help?
2) guilt is also a symptom of depression, and it is important to remind yourself of that when it feels like guilt is weighing you down. Just because you feel guilty about something does not mean you were at fault. What helps me right now is to remind myself that maybe I am not in the best frame of mind to be objective and fair to myself.
3) sometimes we do need medication to even get to the point where we are in the right frame of mind for therapy to help. It is definitely something you should discuss with your therapist or another competent practitioner. maybe the right approach for you is a combination of therapy and medicine.
love,
m

July 31, 2016 at 7:57 pm #111134

Mark
Participant

Hi Carly,

I wish I could tell you magic words that would make you feel better. I have felt like that before and it’s horrible. I know that you are feeling hopeless and that you don’t want to do anything. I am not sure how you feel about animals, but when I was in a similar position I got a dog and he probably saved my life. It gave me something to focus on other than just being sad. If you don’t like dogs, maybe you could work with children somehow. I am a teacher and some of my most rewarding, magical moments are the times when I can connect with my students and help them somehow. And try to have fun and do something that will make you smile. Things will get better, and hopefully you will meet a guy who you love even more than you could ever imagine.

August 1, 2016 at 6:02 am #111162

Carly
Participant

Hi M,

Thank you so much for your comment. Your sentence ” What helps me right now is to remind myself that maybe I am not in the best frame of mind to be objective and fair to myself” is so true for me and I never really thought about it that way. I will start using that as a mantra since most of the time the guilt is so overwhelming, I don’t know what to do with myself. If you have any other suggestions to share on working through guilt, I would really really appreciate it!

Thanks so much
Carly

August 1, 2016 at 6:03 am #111163

Carly
Participant

Hi Mark,

Thank you so much for your response! Unfortunately I am unable to get a dog (though I really wish I could) but I will look into volunteering!

August 1, 2016 at 6:41 am #111164

Carly
Participant

Hi all,

I think I am going to post the below on a new thread in the Relationships section, but I wanted to give you guys an update.

After trying to re-connect with my ex, just to understand why he broke up with me, and how he is doing, he finally responded to my emails and calls. We are talking Wednesday. I know it won’t be a good conversation, because he said he is happy, and willing to talk. I feel like that means he is over it. I’m really really nervous. Anyway, just wanted to update you guys since you have been so wonderful and helping me through things

August 1, 2016 at 8:33 am #111176

Nina Sakura
Participant

Hey Carly,

I think closure would ironically help. There is another book that sort of shifted my perspective quite a bit – do try to read it sometime – Victor Frankl’s book “Man’s search for meaning” – 7 years is a long time and you are grieving heavily right now. I hope you find your way through this rough time. My prayers are with you, stay strong.

Regards,
Nina

August 2, 2016 at 9:29 am #111314

greenshade
Participant

Hi Carly!
I’m so glad this helped! Other ways I deal with guilt are very specific responses I have to situations: for example I keep trying to remind myself that the entire burden of (any) relationship does not lie with me, that I am not the person responsible for fixing every single issue that arises, that arguments are not one way streets and other people have a hand in them also. As a child I was led to believe that my parents happiness lay entirely on my shoulders and that they had no part to play in it. I applied that to friendships, relationships with teachers, other family members. So now I try to remind myself that other people are responsible for their own happiness, and to take full responsibility for another persons emotional state is more responsibility than anyone should be expected to bear. If I remember more thoughts that have helped me , I will share them also.
Love,
m

August 16, 2016 at 2:01 pm #112513

Anonymous
Inactive

Hello Carly
Sorry to hear you are feeling bad . I think you need to really look over the relationship and this, is this really what you want ? The guy became alcohol dependent ( that is no joke , I’ve bee with an addict ).

Perhaps you are taking too much blame for the demise of the relationship

I havn’t had a long relationship like you , but I have felt like you and honestly contact with my ex really screwed me up .

Feelings of depression etc are natural , but suicide is not a good thought. Therapy may help .
Take care
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