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Having a hard time letting go of past

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  • August 11, 2015 at 3:04 pm #81661
    Vanisha
    Participant

    Hi All,

    I have been going through a period of feeling extremely alone. I moved to another state for a job about 2 years ago away from all my family and friends and am hard time adjusting still. Also, I recently broke up my boyfriend after 6 months, because he cheated on me, and now he won’t leave me alone. I tried to be friends because he was the first person I felt connected since the move. He doesn’t respect my space,and has really been trying push getting back together everytime I talk to him, which doesn’t make be feel comfortable and feel suffocated . I am having a hard time deciding if I should continue to stay friends or be strong and completey cut him off and not look back. I feel I deserve to be with someone who I can trust and it broke my heart when I found out that he cheated on me by snooping on his phone. I had to change my number because he would not leave me alone, but still managed to get a hold of me via email and wouldn’t stop even after I asked him to leave me alone, nicely but firmly. I do not have alot of friends and just don’t know what do? I dont have any anger towards him, because he is someone I care about and as humans, no one is perfect, and we all make mistakes. If we didn’t,we wouldn’t become who we are suppose to be, but I also have high standards for myself as well. Another reason why I am having trouble letting go, is while in the relationship, I did learn alot about myself and I am better person because of the experience and part of me thinks I can continue to be a better person and grow with him in my life. I try to be positive and look at the silver lining in everything, but this isn’t easy for me as I haven’t had the greated relationship experience in the past either, and I feel like all the work I did on my inner peace is backtracking because of this. I have been mediatating alot lately and working out and keep my daily life filled with positive actions no matter how I feel, but I am having my anxiety of not being about decide on what to do. When I am alone I keep thinking about negative aspects of my past and it isn’t helping me at all.

    I am very appreciative to have any input.

    Thank you in advance 🙂

    August 12, 2015 at 7:11 am #81704
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear ninjavp:

    You described well the fact that your ex bf does not respect your need for space, to be left alone, a valid need that you expressed clearly to him. A need understandable especially following his own action of cheating on you which he knows about.

    If you give in to his pressure, to his bullying you, that is putting enough pressure on you, disrespecting your need for space, disrespecting YOU, then you cooperate with this bullying, this disrespect. You join him in his act AGAINST you.

    You state that you learned a lot from the relationship with him and you wonder if there is more to learn. If you cooperate with his diserescptful behavior toward you, you UNLEARN the good stuff you learned. When a person dismisses you, hears or reads what you need and then proceeds to ignore it- you let them go. What is the alternative? Why choose the alternative?

    I understand you are lonely but you have yourself, don’t lose the most important person in your world- YOU- so to have company with him. If a person takes away from you, keep them away from your life. i would cut all contact with him. Better invest in contact with someone new, anyone new than make the mistake of engaging with a person who hears your need loud and clear and then ignores it, again and again. You have a better chance for a postive connection with a stranger than with him.

    anita

    August 12, 2015 at 1:30 pm #81721
    Vanisha
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

    Thank you so much for this respond. It really hit home to me that if I do continue to stay in contact, I would just be disrespecting myself. This is exactly what I needed to hear to move forward in the direction in the right direction 🙂

    August 12, 2015 at 7:15 pm #81727
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear ninjavp:

    You are welcome. Anytime- post and as long as I am here, I will respond. Best to you!
    anita

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