Good to read from you again, Adalie!

I think that what it all means, to put it simply, is that you need and long to love and be loved in return. ❣️

Anita

I didn’t know you have a partner, Adalie. I wonder what’s this relationship is about and why you don’t feel much for him..?

I know I am a stranger and you don’t owe me answers.

But maybe talking about it will help you? (there’ll be no judgment coming from me, nothing but empathetic presence).

Anita

Adalie, thank you for sharing so openly. That sounds incredibly hard—and it takes strength to even put those words down. Being in a relationship where care and cruelty alternate would leave anyone feeling emotionally worn and confused.

When you say the brief connection “woke you up a bit,” I wonder… what do you feel it awakened in you? Was it a feeling of being seen? Of remembering what tenderness feels like?

There’s no judgment in asking—only curiosity and compassion. Sometimes even a fleeting moment can stir something real that’s been quiet for too long. And honoring that doesn’t mean you were wrong—it means you’re human.

If talking more helps you sort through any of this, I’m here to listen.

Anita 🌸

Adalie, thank you for sharing that—it’s powerful and really moving. I can feel how much that experience meant to you, and how his kindness and attentiveness gave you space to feel safe and supported.

He didn’t just offer kindness; he extended something much more meaningful: a sense of being seen—the way he honored your voice, your autonomy, and even tuned into subtle details like your hand size.

When someone shows up with tenderness and care without demanding or diminishing (making fun of us), it has the power to restore something foundational. It’s like he said to you: “I believe in your strength, even when the world denies it.”

By nudging you toward concealed carry, not from pressure but through validation, he handed you back a piece of agency, a piece of strength. A way to stand taller, with purpose.

It’s no wonder you felt empowered. I understand why you can’t get him out of your head 😔

That your heart still circles back to him, maybe it’s because something sacred happened—something that deserves to be remembered- that you deserve to be seen like that every day, by others and by yourself…?

Anita

Adalie, I have to run, but I really want to answer thoroughly later tonight or tomorrow morning.

Please feel free to express more if you need to. I am here to listen, empathetically.

You’re very welcome, Adalie—and thank you for receiving my words with such openness.

It’s so human to wonder if we did something wrong when someone pulls away, especially after showing us tenderness. But I think you’re right: it might not have been about you at all.

You described him as kind, quiet, and gentle—someone who’s been deeply hurt before. Your tenderness (the touch, the hand-holding, the emotional presence) may have stirred something in him that felt too vulnerable. If he came expecting something casual and suddenly felt seen, it might have triggered old wounds or fears of being known and then hurt again.

He may lean toward an avoidant attachment style—where closeness feels both longed for and threatening. In moments of genuine connection, someone with this pattern might instinctively retreat, not because they don’t care, but because vulnerability feels unsafe.

He was tired, hot, and possibly emotionally depleted. You mentioned he’d worked a long day and was feeling the heat. Emotional intimacy can feel overwhelming when someone is already on edge. The timing may have been off.

Maybe he sensed that you wanted more than he could give, and instead of communicating that, he disappeared. Your openness and warmth might have made him feel like he was disappointing you, which can be hard for someone already carrying emotional guilt or shame.

And maybe he felt conflicted about connecting with someone who’s married. Even if the relationship is strained, the emotional and ethical complexity might have stirred discomfort or guilt—especially if he’s been hurt before or fears being part of something that feels unclear. He may have realized afterward that he didn’t want to be “the other man,” even if the moment felt genuine.

Sometimes people leave not because we did something wrong, but because they aren’t ready to receive what we offered. His silence might be about protecting himself, not punishing you. But your ache is real nonetheless—not just for him, but for the kind of connection you felt was possible with him.

It’s okay to feel the ache and the hope at the same time. You saw something in him, and he saw something in you too—even if he couldn’t stay with it. That doesn’t make your feelings one-sided. It just means he wasn’t ready.

You have a big heart, Adalie, and it’s clear you know how to love with courage and tenderness. That’s a rare gift. Even if this connection wasn’t meant to last, it still mattered. You mattered—in that brief connection, and far beyond it.

Warmly, Anita