tulips8,
It sounds like neither of you can really have your violence from each other.

Note I said violence not anger. You can be angry. You can even express your anger without violence. But once you allow your anger to be expressed in physical violence then all bets are off. Your violence (throwing books, etc.) and wanting to provoke violence are indicators that this is not a safe and loving relationship.

I would question being in that relationship until that is addressed by both of you.

Mark