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He said he wanted to give me what I want but he needs time

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This topic contains 2 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  anita 2 weeks ago.

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  • #332383

    leelee
    Participant

    Hi,
    Thank you for reading this I really need your advice. I met a guy 3 months ago. We slowly developed an almost like relationship but not yet relationship stuff. However, we have been fighting since the last two weeks. The first time we fought he told me that I am over-committed and he said that he still have somethings to fix on his side he wanted to take it slow but he thinks I am asking increasingly commitment.

    Then I took a step back and give him space. We are good again after someday. The other time we fight is when I was at the Xmas party and I bumped into him and his friends. I can tell he was a bit uncomfortable so I confronted him the day after. He admitted that he was uncomfortable, he is not ready to show his “love life” to his friends. I was like “ so you are hiding me?” He said “ Wtf I kissed you in front of them and you met all of them before already. I am just not the public guy.”

    The reason he needs to sort out his things is that, his ex gf hurt him badly. They broke up 4 months ago and the worst part is that she is his coworker so he sees her every day. And she is still trying badly to get back to him. And he is afraid “us “ will irritated her (There was one time I and him and his friends were at the bar and his friend took a picture of us kissing, his ex found out and was so overrated to quit her job and fly back to France. Ofcoz she came back afterward)

    The last time we fought was a week ago. When I was in his place, he started to talk about his ex was messaging him and he reply something mean to her. started to cried because I thought that they were talking every day (which he told me after it was not true). But what hurt me the most is that he said: “ If you are not happy, the door is there”.

    The day after, I tell him, let’s take a break. He was surprised but accepted it. I told him, “ What you need the most now is the time to sort out your things and your situation with your ex. After you sorted out, you can come back to me. By the time, I am not planning to see anyone new soon.” He replied “ I know you can’t live with this shit. I respect that and I agree I need to figure out my things and just so you know I am not and I will not ever get back to my ex. You are an incredible soul and only deserve the best”

    After that, we barely talk with each other but he always replies to my Instagram stories.

    Last night he was messaging me and tell me he really misses me. And he said he do want to give me what I want but he just needs time, and he asked me to be patient. (He mentioned that his ex will finish the contract and go back to France after two months). He said he would love to meet me next week.

    The question is, I know I like him a lot and would really wanna try again with him. How should I deal with this situation? It seems I have the issue to rush man, but I just think this time we have been dating for 3 months I am just suggesting that but not forcing him to be in a relationship with me.

    Thanks again.

    • This topic was modified 2 weeks, 1 day ago by  leelee.
    • This topic was modified 2 weeks, 1 day ago by  leelee.
    #332421

    Javairia
    Participant

    Hello,

    Reading your reactions and the way you’ve been handling this, I felt like you did very well with all of this. Honestly, both of you handled the situation good.

    It can get complicated after being “rejected”, but not really rejected. It’s inevitable to have questions in your head like this.

    About the question you want advice with: I want to know what kind of person they are. I can easily tell you’re loyal and mature to a point. But, do you know exactly how they are? I mean 3 months is a short time to know about each other. I definitely don’t discourage you to date them or develop further relationship. I just meant, does YOUR instincts and values allow to date that person- you have known for three months. You also mentioned that you’ve had a bit rough start with fights. Fights do strengthen your relationship in a way. Rough starts tend to develop your understanding about each other too. So, how do your brain and heart respond to that question, because you yourself are the most important person here. In my humble opinion, you should say yes, and then decide face-to-face how you two want to take this bond/relationship. Talk about what things you two are ready to comprise, and what you don’t really care about happening. I feel like these two are most important questions for a talk, with my personal experience.

    (I hope it was helpful to you. I apologize for anything that I shouldn’t have written or mentioned.)

    I hope the best for you. Bless you

    Best Regards,

    Javairia

    #332585

    anita
    Participant

    Dear leelee:

    I agree with Javaira that indeed three months is a short time to know someone.

    “I have the issue to rush man”- yes, we figured that out in our previous communication. It will be very difficult for you to slow down, but you will get way farther in life (in the context of a love relationship with a man) if you do slow down.

    He asked you to be patient, this does mean to not rush. If you choose to resume a relationship with him, you can make a list of what not to say and what not to do in the next 2 months,   for the purpose of not rushing and not fighting. For example, one of your rules can be to not talk about his ex girlfriend, another rule may be (I am brainstorming here)  to not demand that he tells you that he loves you or that he displays affection for you in public.

    What do you think?

    anita

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