Heal myself? Suffering badly

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This topic has 17 replies, 7 voices, and was last updated 5 years ago by Anonymous.

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August 14, 2016 at 5:12 am #112293

ramy
Participant

Hello,

I’m 20 years old, I’m really stressful guy, got it from my paranoid mom, I have low self esteem too.

One year ago I started to smoke weed with my friends, at first I thought it was healing me, (had really deep thoughts),after few months I was getting anxious from smoking it, but I didn’t know weed was the cause! So I kept smoking.
So I spent all my days to think about myself, about my personality, trying to be perfect, trying to be popular, thoughts thoughts thoughts…I was spirtually broken.

1 month ago I decided to stop weed because of I’m thinking too much, and all my toughts are about myself, after few days from quitting I was thinking a lot (more than regular), I started to fight my thoughts and couldn’t sleep or doing anything for 2 days.

I searched in google, and realized that I’ve developed depersonalization disorder (same thoughts circyle and self conciousess every 5 seconds), which I’m pretty sure it’s the most painful thing. I did nothing wrong in my life to get so much pain.
I’ve lost my friends, my paranoid mother started to treat me like sick, I’ve totally lose my self confiedence I wasn’t working or studying.

Guess what?
I didn’t give up, I decided to live again, I’m doing daily fitness, take vitamines and eating healthy food, meditations. I began to work as a waiter! Which require a lot of self confiedence and I don’t have it, I still don’t know how I got accepted in one hour interview 🙂
I’m getting better, less thoughts, but I’m looking to heal myself faster, but I don’t know how, I need guide,I need support to stand up.

August 14, 2016 at 5:16 am #112294

ramy
Participant

Forgot to mention I’ve stopped smoking too.

August 14, 2016 at 7:45 am #112296

Anonymous
Guest

Dear raamy88844:

Congratulations for realizing smoking weed was harming you and for taking the logical next step and no longer smoking it. Also, congrats for taking the steps to heal yourself best you can, getting a challenging job, exercising, meditating and eating healthily.

Next step may be to move out of your mother’s home so you no longer live with your mother because as I understand it, her anxiety caused much of your anxiety. Moving out, that is quitting living with your mother, would make sense like quitting weed. What do you think?

anita

August 14, 2016 at 10:28 am #112321

ramy
Participant

Hello Anita Thanks for the supporting reply;) and by the way I meant stop smoking cigarettes too, not only weed.

I feel strong inside but my soul is still broken.

Getting out of home sound like a bit scary, I”m not hanging with my friends because we both had bad trips together and it is no longer fun friendship (a bit awkward, I hope you understand what I mean)

So I’m not fully recovered and I don’t want to feel lonely because my mom a bit helping me (making healthy food, having conversations).
Also it’s a bit hard for me to make new friends, (I still have fear of judgement, or disapproval)

Please reply back I need support:)
Also what kind of meditations do you suggest?

Love
ramy:)

August 14, 2016 at 4:47 pm #112341

Vince
Participant

Hi Ramy,

It’s great to hear that you are making an effort to help yourself be happier and healthier. However, I think you may benefit from seeing a professional. There is a limit to self-help. They can give you a proper diagnosis if necessary and provide strategies to help you keep moving forward.

August 14, 2016 at 8:40 pm #112351

Anonymous
Guest

Dear ramy88844:

Anxiety- I define it as excess, ongoing fear. What happens when we are anxious is that the thinking brain is activated big time, trying to find a problem to solve in order for the anxiety to go away. It thinks and thinks and thinks… with no success.

Psychotherapy with a competent, empathetic therapist will help you to stop the ongoing thinking, relax and then think. When you think too much, it creates this fog in the brain and you can’t see clearly through the fog. This is why relaxation is necessary: clearing the fog is necessary for seeing clearly, for thinking clearly.

The guided meditations that my therapist introduced to me were about taking a break from over thinking; observing your thoughts from a calm place instead of being lost in the storms of thinking.

Therapy also helped me get insight into the origin of my anxiety, my childhood experiences with my own mother.

Insight into the past, mindfulness (ongoing meditation, that is ongoing paying attention to my thoughts, feelings, sensations, the environment) and other skills all should be learned in therapy.

Until you get therapy, simple, short guided meditations aimed at calming anxiety should be available online. Start with a five minute long guided meditation, not a lot of words.

Glad you stopped weed and nicotine. Hope you stay away from other drugs. Hopefully competent therapy is available for you. I wasn’t able to “heal myself” (the title of your thread)- I needed help and I did finally find a competent, empathetic and hard working therapist. I sure hope you find one!

Please do post again, anytime.

anita

August 15, 2016 at 3:58 pm #112425

Anonymous
Inactive

I only can think of your mum as your important life lesson. She might be like that because you need to become stronger more aware that nothing can take you down, wake up you inner animal ..
You know those hard life people who appear in our life’s are not to bring you down but to help you build up your strength. If your mum will cuddle you tell you beautiful words,clean your mess all around you and treat like a spulless prince than you will probably be an ashole in older years.

But thats only an idea. . Not necessarily true.
Wish you best.
BTW don’t put yourself in the ‘illness disorder cage’ try to analyse it from every possible perspective xx

August 16, 2016 at 12:55 am #112465

ramy
Participant

My mom isn’t a problem, I understand her and shes care about me, but I still feel deep and I’m not having fun or excited.

If something good happened, thoughts block happiness

August 16, 2016 at 5:10 pm #112533

ramy
Participant

What meditation practice do you recommend?

I’m trying to open chakras.

August 17, 2016 at 5:54 am #112643

Jeanne Forsythe
Participant

I love Anita’s advice! Try reading “Where Ever You Go There You Are.” It helps teach you to be in the moment.
Try to get out in nature…take a hike, paddle a kayak. Pick up a hobby. Painting, photography, wood burning, bird house painting, or evening knitting! It helped one of my uncles. When you are creating you are in the moment, the zone, unable to constantly think about troubles, fears etc.

Fill your senses. When you eat a strawberry, eat it slowly. Look at how beautiful it is. Smell it. Taste it. Feel it on your fingertips.

Another trick I’ve used is the rubber band around the wrist. Snap it when you say something bad to yourself in your mind.

You are the only one of you in this entire world. No one else has your background, genetic code, thoughts, talents…NO ONE.
Every morning look in the mirror and say one thing you like about yourself physically and personality wise.

Love yourself daily. Put one hand on each shoulder and hug yourself before you go to bed.
Jeanne

August 17, 2016 at 1:34 pm #112690

cjf
Participant

Congratulations for recognizing what you needed to do to improve yourself and took a positive course of action.

August 24, 2016 at 7:40 am #113129

ramy
Participant

Bump, what meditations do you suggest to control thoughts easie or for self love?

July 31, 2017 at 2:33 pm #161402

ramy
Participant

update: I’m a happy person now!

I still have some difficulties in life, but I am happy, I am in a collage, I have friends, I have girlfriend, and I’m getting my popularity bit by bit.

the only things I did was never giving up no matter how bad I feel – it’s okay, self passion. I remember how bad I felt before, but all these shits were in my mind.

and I should mention, my brother and mom tried to help me thanks, but honestly, I did all my self! just I can do it and can improve myself.

August 1, 2017 at 7:30 am #161540

Anonymous
Guest

Dear ramy:

Thank you for posting an update, almost a year since your last post. Glad you are having a better life experience!

anita

August 5, 2017 at 2:47 am #162246

Marie
Participant

Hello Ramy, thank you for sharing your story. What a brave of you. I’m glad also that you have realization and I’m sure whatever you are facing now you can get through it. Good luck!
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