Hi everyone!

I haven’t posted in a while, I will give just a small recap.

Am a 26 years old woman, I was in a relationship with another woman for close to 3 years. I realised that was not a healthy relationship, I wanted to get out. Each time in the past 3 years ,I tried to get out she would threaten me that she would kill herself, but this time I was very sure. I couldn’t take it any longer. I live in a different country now. So I completely blocked her on all social media. I was hoping she would go away and that is when she started abusing me even more.

She showed up unannounced at my door at 1:30 am in the night last September.( She has a long term tourist visa to get into the country where I live now), she said she came because someone had told her I was very sick, she was worried.I didn’t quite realise what was going on, except that I was shocked and angry. I let her in into the house, which I now know was a huge mistake. She came in, saw that I had a new phone with a new phone number. She got hysterical and tried to smash my phone on the floor. Then she took out her pocket knife and threatened that she would hurt herself if I don’t give her my number and show her the phone. She wanted to check if I was texting someone. I was half asleep, I was terrified of her actions. I tried my best to calm her down but to no avail. What followed was a long miserable night of screaming and accusing.

In the morning, I did not go to work and the situation became worse, She said she will not leave me. I stuck to my position. She again started to look for things to hurt herself, I had to push her away from knives and other objects. She was screaming so much, It was getting too much to handle and just to make her stop I had cut myself on my hand. It hurt but not so much compared to the pain she was causing me, I was being held hostage in my own house. She calmed down for a while. She was shocked I guess.

Long story short, in order to make her leave I agreed to be with her. I said we should both meet psychotherapists. I was traumatised.  She left the following day, I was tired and broken. She still kept saying she loves me and all that crap, I can’t understand how can you traumatise someone so much and still say you love them.

She went back, the phone calls and messages did not stop(she forced me to give her my new number) I tried seeking help with a student counsellor but that didn’t work out. They couldn’t understand my case, I suppose. The fact is she still keeps threatening me with something or the other. She keeps quiet for a week or two and then starts all over again, Just two days ago, She said I have to call her immediately or she would call my workplace and talk to my boss. I called her she said she had got a letter from the  government asking her to surrender her passport and that I was responsible for it. I had not filed any complaints , and I told her that. She wasn’t willing to listen to it.  She kept accusing,shouting and crying . It was too much for me to take, I blocked her completely. She kept calling me on my office number. I ignored her.

Now I have decided I wouldn’t give in to her threats anymore and seek proper psychotherapy here. The sad fact is I am unable to heal, because whenever I feel it is over she comes back again and shakes me. This is affecting me immensely. I am happy for a day when I don’t receive any texts or emails from her.

I have told my parents, they have been very supportive. They are extremely worried about me.

What do I do in this situation? What if she comes back again to traumatise me? Nobody should be allowed to undergo what I went through.She still says she loves me.  I can’t believe I fell for her lies 3 years ago.

Thank you for reading!