July 18, 2013 at 2:06 pm #38859JamieParticipant
I need some advice. My ex and I were together for a year and a half and we broke up 3 months ago. We went together about 5 months ago to the humane society to adopt a dog. We picked out a dog we both felt we could love and care for. . I filled out the paper work and paid for everything and we even picked out his name, Slayer. When we broke up I moved back home to my parents house which is about 3 hours away from him and I was unable to bring Slayer because my parents have a huge bull mastiff that could have harmed Slayer. So I was unable to bring him and my parents moved so I moved on to a new place and the couple I live with allowed me to have a dog. My ex and I had been going back and forth the last three months fighting over Slayer and so just yesterday I drove 3 hours to finally cut ties and give him his phone back (we were on a phone plan together) and get my dog Slayer. I had to call dispatch to bring a police to the home because he said bring the police if you are trying to take Slayer. I was allowed Slayer and now I have him home with me and I am so happy to be reunited with him. However, I feel guilt that I took Slayer away after leaving him in the care of my ex who grew attached to him. I went with my gut and what I thought would be right for me to move on from this relationship. I wanted a companion and someone to love me and be there next to me and that is why I went and got my dog back.
The break up was terrible and it was an all around unhealthy relationship and we are both equally to blame for the demise of the relationship. I am feeling a sense of relief after cutting ties but then when I’m not keeping busy I start to think and then I just fall back to the same depressing negative mindset. It is tough for me to let someone go who was apart of my every day life and someone I invested all of myself into and loved more than anything. I never wanted to hurt him and I know he is hurting real bad, but Is it wrong of me to have taken the dog? Should I not have closed that chapter of my life in that fashion? I feel as though a weight has been lifted off my shoulders, but at the same time my heart is heavy because I never wanted to hurt my ex. The guilt almost makes me want to take Slayer back. I’m so indecisive because I always am concerned about others feelings more than myself and what’s best for me. I just don’t know how to find balance. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you!July 18, 2013 at 8:02 pm #38870David GoettschParticipant
Its understandable that you feel guilty about taking the dog, but you are focusing way too much on the dog being the center of your worry. What is done is done, leave it at that. If you keep feeling those regrets and worries, you will never be able to move past them. Don’t think about bringing the dog back, because all you will do is rip open any healing he has done so far, just let what has happened be, and start to worry about yourself. Ending long-term relationships can be a bittersweet thing when they weren’t very healthy relationships. Even in bad relationships there are happy times and no one likes to feel alone. What you need to do is use this time to find yourself again. The emptiness you are feeling is because you need to start working on finding yourself as a person again instead of defining yourself as a part of something. You went from a “We” to a “me” now. Use this time to reflect on yourself and truly find who you are again. The only way to fill that hole you have in your life right now is by keeping busy and with time. Get out, find some new hobbies and keep yourself occupied, because if not you will find a way to worry and depress yourself. Realize that what you did is the right thing, and that you will both be better off for it in the end. Just first things first, you need to move past the situation about the dog, Slayer is with you now and it is done, don’t rip open old wounds and worry about what you did. You didn’t take him to be malicious or to harm your ex, you just did what you thought was right at the time. So don’t feel guilty. Use this time to re-build yourself and find new ways to be happy and fulfilled, the whole world is open to you, breathe in the fresh air and enjoy the sunshine, life is too short to spend worrying about should have’s and could have been’s! Every ending is a new beginning, but it all starts with leaving the past.
Hope this helped!July 20, 2013 at 11:28 am #38963JamieParticipant
Thank you so much for taking time out to give me some help and advice! A couple days had passed and my guilt has almost subsided. Being human is hard, but there are so many amazing bits and pieces in between. I’m ready to find myself again on this adventure! Thank you thank you again for your kind words!