I get that, yea.

Relationships are choices mostly…you choose to do…or you choose to not do.

Do you think its okay for me to suggest (in the nicest, loving way possible) that he should think about talking to someone? Or does he need to get there on his own…men, ehh they can get touchy about stuff like that.

But idk if I solely can give him the outlet he needs to become secure in what has happened throughout his life.

Do you have any opinions on if you think reconciliation of our issues is what we should do? I guess…, does it sound too far gone?

Okay.

You still think he should move out though? lol

I don’t know what his grasp is on his position to not stay with me if I he moves out.

But I feel like he is about to put me in the position to have to say it again or re-clarify if that is indeed what I want.

I think I can kind of admit now through our 5 days of crash therapy sessions that I was mad at him. I really felt a way about being around him. So as much as I love him and wanted to fix it, I wanted him out my fucking face too because I was just over the drama at the time. But like I said that feeling is starting to dissipate.

Its like I said it, so it lingers in my head. Just because it was such a huge choice and I declared it as if I guess I wasn’t allowed to change my mind once I said it.

In reality if I examined that thought closely it probably has to do more with others opinions. WHICH DONT matter because this isn’t their life. …

Hmmm. lol

Anita you are one smart cookie lol 🙂

Okay I can do that. I am going to think on it very seriously and how staying with him effects the both of us.

So are u just a sensei in your regular life too? Or are you just really good at giving advice haha.

I’ll check back in with you in like 2 weeks. Don’t forget about me! lol

So yeah. I told him that I had held a lot of anger towards him that I didn’t address. That was the cause of me just wanting him out my face. I realized there are other issues and we can work on them. But AT THE TIME, I felt like I wanted to be alone. As in him not in the same space as me. But he left me with some time to myself I realized that I don’t want you to go necessarily but things do have to change if so.

I had to lay it out like your temper is my biggest issue with you. And when I was so upset it was a build up of the feelings I have about how you treat me when you are mad.

I am tired of the arguing. I have no more time for it. and he had been kind of moody the past weeks or so.

So I as well said if that’s your response to the limbo our relationship was in ok.

But if that’s your version of effort to change or you think you play no part in our issues. Then we have a issue.

Well this conversation was yesterday; after I said my piece he kind of deflected and went off talking about something else. I felt like he mis-understood so I reiterated for him to understand fully. So I had to poke at him a little at the end like; “you can not have an answer now…you can think about what you want to do. But if you don’t need to think I need a direct answer.” I’m not going to assume.

Then some how we got off topic and went to get food. He fell asleep, and hugged and kissed me when he left…even tho I had to coax him to me a little. He hadn’t kissed me since Friday. But for “no reason.”

This morning I text him and told him “Babe I would appreciate it if you used some of your time today and think about what we discussed yesterday. — you never really gave me a straight answer and this isn’t the time to assume.–Do you have intentions of working on being more gentle with me? Do you want to stay with me? Is it “worth it” to you anymore?” He said he will.

He is still working long hours. He told me that he was doing it aside from the money of course to give me space….but! get this….he tells me yesterday that he got a different job and doesn’t work where I last knew him to be working. I was like why didn’t you tell me that? How long? He said “a couple of weeks, and you didn’t tell me about you job news”

SIDE BAR: I applied for a part time job as a bartender. I didn’t get it initially. A week later maybe, Jimmy (who works there) talked to the manager to inquire because it was a scheduling issue and they had ended up hiring someone else by that time.  So I told him about the first incident, I just didn’t feel the need to revisit it based on a inquiry. I really just forgot and pushed it aside because they kind of wasted my time so it annoyed me. I told my friend “L” and the only reason I told her is because she SPECIFICALLY asked me about it again. a few days ago he asked me about it and I told him. He said then why didn’t I say anything, and my above response was as well what I said to him. Coupled with the fact that when I first told him he kind of made me feel a type of way because he said they only interviewed me because of Jimmy and they really didn’t want me. (WHO SAYS that!??) That’s just not true. I had a interview with the Bar manager, came BACK had another with the GM. Jimmy was like they love you its just your schedule they want full time. Even when I called back about the schedule situation and talked to a female who I never spoke with she asked me who I was and she even was like OH that’s you. Yea they did really like you it was just your already employed full time. I tell him this, like you kind of made me feel like they don’t want you and they are only entertaining you because jimmy. So even in my head I innately didn’t want to discuss it again.

Back to the story…that’s exactly what he said BEFORE I said all the above. He asked why I didn’t say anything I said the simple version, then I said WHAT HAPPENED….and he said “See I already told you they was just entertaining you for Jimmy.” I then went on to the “you kind of hurt my feelings thing” and he was all like I didn’t mean it like that.

So you get a NEW JOB….not a prospect…not a interview….A WHOLE JOB. And you don’t tell me. I just had to move on from the topic because I’m not going to argue with his “See-Saw logic” of I did this because you did this. Because IT IS exactly that. illogical. That feeling are facts crap.

Before this he didn’t reply to my msg to get us food it was 6:53pm he text me back at 7:32 like I will if I feel like going back out. I was like oh what are you already on ur way. he said yes he’s was down the street. I wanted food from the place that was by the OLD JOB he no longer worked at smh. but I didn’t know that then. So I say. I text you over 30 min ago if you were off why didn’t you text me back? (I am not mad, sad, feel a way NOTHING. Just and inquiry) He says “The same reason you don’t” I’m like wthhhhhh. (In my head lol) and I’m like “oh because you didn’t look at your phone?”…Then he just says you sound like me and by then he came in the house and we went straight into the conversation above.

GOSH they never seem that long while I type them then I press send lol and theyre like a page haha

Last night he said that I was manipulative. That I am always ready to say “What ever it takes.” My response to him was just because I say what it takes to get my point across doesn’t mean I’m lying to get there. I have a way with words persay.

Its like a gift I could give it to you or I could wrap it up nicely and give it to you. Its still a gift though. I DO NOT lie to get people to see my perspective or shift their point of view. Further more EVERYONE is slightly manipulative, including him.

I said, except the difference between us is you are manipulative for REACTION. Girl, you know what he said. “No I’m calculated” I was like do you understand how awful and malicious that sounds. “He was like I do it because…” basically exactly what you said above EXCEPT the words where its skewed into a negative connotation. You take things like you said you THINK I have done and give me a reaction equal to or greater than what you think I have purposely done to you.

A metaphor for this is: (Stay with me for a second) Men who were gay 10-20-30 years ago. They say “you know people all my life have told me that I CHOOSE this….WHO WOULD CHOOSE this” To be yelled at, abused, shunned, judged. Who would purposely inflict that on themselves.

The same with things he THINKs I do. Like the phone and returning message. Considering all the attitude, arguments, smart ass remarks, trying to act like I’m lying or deceiving you; that comes with me not responding to your phone communications in his version of “prompt” WHY WOULD I DO THAT SHIT ON PURPOSE. It does  NOTHING to benefit me. Like why would I put that on us…or furthermore myself. I wouldn’t therefore anytime you text me when I respond I swear is the next applicable time I was able to respond.

When he didn’t respond for 36 minutes the other day. I don’t get mad I think 1. Hes at work 2. Hes not looking at his phone 3. Hes busy….or a dozen other logical reasons he couldn’t. THEN he tells me he had BEEN off work. That’s when my mind shifts to okkkk so you did have available attention to see my text because you were off and your phone is hooked to your car and who leaves work and doesn’t at least look at their phone for a second…many reasons why I now have to deduce you purposely ignored my message.

HIM. Its straight to the negative. There’s never a benefit of the doubt and if it is its in vain. Like that “oh I GUESS your busy” bs when its been “8 minutes” and I haven’t responded smh.

This my phone is always in my hand crap is ridiculous honestly Anita. This is stupid but it should make you chuckle because that is the level of crazy were about to touch here.

Girl when I met him  after a few dates in convo I showed him this funny meme, right. It said “If you ever think I’m ignoring you I am, cuz my phone be straight in my hand always” I say this is so me. Because I DO always respond to people who are talking to me no matter what and pretty promptly. And being a little generous without putting him in the factor I touch my phone at least every 15 minutes because at work it has to be on silent FULLY so no vibrate either so if I want to see if someone text me I have to open my phone. So now I have scorned myself because when I tell him oh my phone wasn’t in my hand or in the other room…for literally a few minutes. He’ll say..”well I go by what you say” I’m like what? then he will say your the one who said your always with your phone. Im like yoooooooo are you serious. I sleep, shower, cook, wash dishes, work, clean, walk away from my desk, forget to take my phone off silent, be using the bathroom, bad reception the msgs aren’t coming thru, or having a conversation with another human who isn’t you..AND YOU ARE SERIOUSLY ACTING LIKE MY PHONE CAN REALISTICALLY BE IN MY HAND AT ALL TIMES!!!??? This has to be a joke. NOPE he be dead ass serious. 5 minutes=irritated 10=explanation as to what you were doing+irritated 15=your calling or sending some text about me not responding and your MAD almost irreparably mad. I have never not responded to him over about a 20 minute mark. So idk what goes on then smh

We had a deep conversation yesterday about us being kids and stuff. That turned negative because I started talking about therapy and he basically was saying that he doesn’t believe in that. And that nothing they do for you is something you couldn’t do yourself because we have all the memories blah blah blah. Im like no but they were trained to see traits and align them with experience that you may not see and show you a different perception to change your mindset. Like are you really acting like mental health isn’t a thing. Like you think if you talked to someone about your anger issues your yield nothing. He was like no that a switch I can just turn that off just like being lazy or gaining weight I can just decideeee that I’m going to stop. I’m like you really feel that way. That you could just wake up tmrw and be nice, not triggered by the silly shit you always complain about. REALLY?? So we dissolved that convo and I was like we shouldn’t even be talking about this anyways we were supposed to be talking about if we are going to stay together. By this point he is mad. I’m like I hate to ask this while ur mad but do you want to be with me aside from all the other bs emotions. He was like NO im leaving and that mean Im not staying with you OK! OK! so stop asking me. I was like is that really how you feel? (I said this once or twice because he wasn’t responding).

15 minutes later he is laying with me kissing me on my cheek. Then he fell asleep. Woke up kissed me when he left. I got to go to work late today (I usually text him by at leats 9am to say that I go to work ok) But he forgot I guess so he text me like “sooooo what do this mean?”

I said “Im still at home”–He said “Whats wrong?”–Me: *insert above explanation about job*–Him “Aw yea”

Me: Yea.–“sooo what does THAT mean” You did yell at me and tell me your leaving and your not going to be with me.???

Him: Yea I know 🙁

I haven’t said anything to that cuz Im talking to you. But yea.

• This reply was modified 6 years, 12 months ago by Jenny Lynn.