- This topic has 14 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 8 years, 4 months ago by Anonymous.
October 20, 2015 at 12:06 pm #85721AnonymousGuest
Jessica, 17, a college student and her brother, 10 years old, are living in an apartment in NY with a severely physically and verbally abusive mother and a weak submissive father who is intimidated by his wife. He is of no help to his two children. Jessica has reached out to counselors in her college but found no help there yet. Jessica’s accounts here on the website have been very consistent and very troubling: her mother’s abuse of her and of her younger brother is damaging both, especially the younger, perhaps less resourceful brother who is the subject of his mother emotional abuse.
I was hoping for a person reading this, maybe a social worker, someone with experience in a case like this: where to go? What to do? Something someone may know that I do not and that Jessica, as resourceful and intelligent as she is (and she is!) does not know.
Jessica’s latest post from 10/17/2015 is consistent with previous ones and with all her comments on this website. It is straightforward and very honest and clear, long and contains strong language. Not for the weak of heart to read (and unbelievable difficult to live with!). Here it is:
“Whenever I hear these statements, I feel anger boiling inside me. “Your parents had a tough time.” “You should be more understanding.” “They sacrificed for you.” “Give your mom/dad a second chance, for they didn’t know any better.”. All of these statements, all of them, are excuses. Terrible, terrible excuses. I understand that human beings are imperfect beings. It is impossible to go through life without making mistakes. Some are small, such as forgetting your friends birthday or arriving to work late. Others lead to heavy consequences, such as spreading rumors to get back at someone or putting down someone you love out of jealousy. And then there are actions that go beyond what you would consider to be a mistake. Abuse. More specifically, child abuse. It’s a topic that many people usually avoid speaking of, since it is often traumatizing or hard for others to comprehend and understand. I myself feel a wave of depression come over me, along with some suicidal thoughts every now and then. This is due to my own experience with child abuse. My mom, although still I love her, started abusing me at the age of five. I was her punching bag, taking every name said from her mouth with brutal force. I was the bitch, asshole, mother fucker, idiot, stupid, retard, dumbass, and other words that I can’t seem to remember. This happened nearly every day. If I dropped something, “What the fuck is wrong with you bitch!”. If I came home with a failed test “You see, all you want to do is play video games and get fat. Your fucking ass needs to get beat by those kids. Watch me put you in special Ed, and see how those kids will beat you.”. It seems ironic looking back on her mentioning of special Ed, since she herself was a teacher. Any who, my mother didn’t hold back on verbally abusing me in public. If I made one tiny mistake, she would yell and scream while we were walking. My head fell down, as tears rolled down my cheeks and my struggle for breath kept getting worse. She would tell me to stop crying, and curse at me more. People stared, and I couldn’t do anything. Standing up to her would lead her rage to skyrocket, and beat me into a pulp. What confused me, though, was that she would tell my she loves me. She told me that since she cleans the house, irons my clothes,and give me the materials for school, saying that I should feel fortunate compared to other children. She told me that if I told anyone about how she treated me, she would beat me badly. And so I kept my mouth shut, and suffered in silence. My father tried to help me, but he is emotionally weak, receiving daily verbal abuse from my mom. I love my father, and we are still close to this day. He tries, and although he could do better, I know he’s a good father and man. My mom shut me off from independence, offering to do everything for me. To this day, I feel afraid going shopping and to the grocery store, since my I never had much experience going to these places. She also fed me a lot of junk food. Whenever a doctor would tell her to feed me better food, she’d say yes and would complain to me about how I don’t want to change. I was only little. She’d call me a fat ass pig, and would blame me for my weight gain. She also did the same with video games. She’d tell me to study, and would give me long hours for playing video games. If I failed a test, I would here “All you want to do is play games and fail your tests, you dumbass bitch.”. I struggled with school. I’m more studious now and receive high 90’s, but this wasn’t the case when I was younger. My parents also argued constantly. I was in the middle of everything. My mom threatened divorce, and I was scared because I didn’t want my dad to leave. I wanted him to stay because he could protect me. My dad cheated, which led to physical fights that I was always present for. They are still together, but its more of a friendship, a vey dysfunctional one. As I got older, she started to use a belt buckle. I’m aware that this is considered discipline in some countries, but I see it abuse. Physical abuse. She beat me whenever I failed an exam. I never committed a crime, and was and still is a good child. But she beat me, hard. I screamed. I wanted the burning pain in my back to stop, but she kept on going, telling me to say why I failed. If I didn’t say anything, the beating got worse. Eventually, she stopped using the belt. But the damage was done. I started to become depressed and suicidal. I wanted to jump out my window and go to heaven. Bullying at school became for frequent. I was always bullied, but my suicidal thoughts and depression made it worse.One incident that spoke me the most occurred this summer, 4 days after my high school graduation. I forgot what I did, but it was small. My mom got upset, and stated it beat me with her hands. I tried it get the phone to call 911, but she scratched it out my hand and took all the other phones so I couldn’t call for help. She blocked the door so couldn’t leave. She then finished me off by beating me with a toy bat. Afterwards, she left to take my little brother to school. I wanted to commit suicide right there. Afterwards, she told my neighbor about the incident and laughed. “Girl, she tried to call the cops and I said ‘what the hell is she trying to do?’ So I beat her ass. She deserved it. My ass ain’t going to jail. Hahahahaha!”. I was right there, and I felt like shit. I’m 17 now and is still living with her. I can’t run to my other family members, since they are just as dysfunctional. My grand father, although nice to me and my little brother, was always abusive to my grandmother. They had a recent fight where he punched her eye. My aunt and cousins abused one another growing up. My cousin often spit on me and hurt my feelings. He twisted my aunts arm, and she would beat him. To this day, they still argue. My uncle also gets into argument from time to time. They all laugh about their problems and joke, saying how it’s the way things are. They hide behind denial, which only makes the problem bigger. They are nice to my brother and I, but can be abusive to each other. My little brother is experiencing my moms same treatment. We are, and have always been close. We never hurt each other, and despite our arguing some times, we get along well. He wishes that I want commuting to college. He tells me to stay home to protect him from my mom.More things happened, but it would be far to much to write. My mom believes that what she did wasn’t abuse, and blames me and stress. My mom went through a lot, but don’t we all have problems? My mom even laughs about her behavior and the abuse, saying how I just have to deal with gear anger. I know my mom, enough to know that she will never change her ways. She’ll smile and think that I’m sensitive for dwelling on the past. But I know what I went through, and it hurts. My mom doesn’t have a job now, and is dealing with an ongoing court case. I’ll sympathize for her, but that’s as far as I’ll go. I’d also like to add that I’m a black girl, and my mom is from the Caribbean. Just because someone receives the title of “mom” or “dad” or “family member”, that doesn’t mean that they are a god. It shouldn’t have to be “Well, she’s my mom, and therefore I have to let go of everything she put me through because she’s my mom.”. Well I call bullshit. Yes, they are your parents, but that doesn’t excuse their abusive behavior. I recommend forgiving your parents for you. It will rid you of the poisonous anger and you’ll feel free. Also, you don’t have to bring your abusive parents back into your life if you don’t want to. Your have at choice. If your currently happy in your life, then leave them be. If people pressure you into giving them a second chance, ignore them. You know what you went through. If you want to fix the relationship, then you can try to confront them. If all goes well, that’s great, if not, that’s great too. They chose to ideal with their problems by abuse, and that’s horrible. Get therapy or counseling. It helps a great deal.I plan on forgiving my mom, but for myself. But I’ll close the door and live my life. I’m in college, and I’m going to get my PHD in psychology to help other suffering children/teens. I also plan on making my own anime and writing my own books. People make silly excuses, but enough is enough. There is NO excuse for child abuse, EVER!”October 21, 2015 at 6:59 am #85767lisaParticipant
You need to contact the authorities ASAP!
Please do not waste time about what to do.
anyone who knows there is abuse going on and does Nothing is just as wrong.
Please contact the child services and the police station.
this should not continue.
Please do this now.
thanks.October 21, 2015 at 7:35 am #85768AnonymousInactive
Hi. I’m Jessica. Please, don’t call authorities yet. I want help, I really do, but I’m scared of getting the cops involved. It’s difficult to explain, but it’s something that hurts me. Me going into a foster home, being separated from my brother, my dad, other family members. It’s nerve wrecking. I just need someone I can talk to who is professional, and then we can see about getting the cops involved.October 21, 2015 at 8:22 am #85770AnonymousGuest
This is a strong reaction by lisa, above. This is how alarming and serious your abuse situation is.
*lisa: Jessica already called the cops and shared about it in this thread or in a thread before this one. It didn’t work! It only made her mother angry and feeling more powerful than before. Now, I do not believe her physical violence is going to maim or kill Jessica and her brother physically. I do believe she and him should exit that home as soon as possible because the mental abuse is damaging both, maybe more her brother at this point, as I type this. Jessica has talked to a school counselor and told him/ her the story- the counselor did not call the authorities.
anitaOctober 21, 2015 at 9:17 am #85788AnonymousInactive
I just really don’t know what to do. I want someone professional that I can talk to, but thinking about the authorities scares me.October 21, 2015 at 9:23 am #85792AnonymousInactive
but you don’t know what they can do to help you – maybe nothing but then you’ve lost nothing by asking
you need to be safe. your brother needs to be safe – you cannot grow up you two thinking this is normal. because that is a pattern that will perpetuate.October 21, 2015 at 9:52 am #85797AnonymousInactive
I’m aware that it’s not normal. I’m aware that my entire family situation is abusivd/dysfunctional. It’s just scary getting the cops involved.October 21, 2015 at 10:09 am #85801AnonymousGuest
Is there anyone out there with who to contact in NY State other than the cops???
I googled myself but couldn’t see through too much information (too much for me to see through)
anitaOctober 21, 2015 at 11:39 am #85805JenniferParticipant
First I want to say how brave you are in sharing this with us. Just know that you are not alone on this journey. All the participants here want to breathe and walk with you.
I searched online and hope that you can use some of the resources below. Hopefully, you can connect with a professional soon and resolve this very difficult situation.
1. Children’s Aid Society has some Community Based Health Centres that you maybe able to connect for mental health & teen health services. Here’s the link to the address & phone numbers: http://www.childrensaidsociety.org/health-counseling/health-services-locations
2. Some outpatient mental health clinics for ages 6 and up that is dedicated to provide affordable care:
3. For some individual child/adolescent psychotherapists in New York, here is a listing. You may want to call first and see what their rates are because it can cost a lot of money to see them: https://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/prof_results.php?city=New+York&spec=5
Do you have any close friends in college that you can perhaps room with? If the situation worsens, that could be a temporary solution while you sort out the issues.
Don’t be afraid to ask the professionals your high-level questions before meeting them and also ask about confidentiality (e.g will your case be reported to authorities, how to handle your brother’s situation).
We’d like to hear from you again to see how things work out. Please take good care of yourself. We are here in spirit for you.
JenniferOctober 21, 2015 at 12:25 pm #85809AnonymousInactive
I’m going to need a therapist/social worker that is free and can be easily accesble by taking the 2 or 3 trains in Brooklyn Crown Heights. I can also only go on Monday-Thursday’s. If I try going somewhere on Friday-Subday, my mom will question me, amd I cannot lie to her. She’ll make me show her what I write here.October 21, 2015 at 12:37 pm #85811AnonymousGuest
Click those links in Jennifer’s comment above, call those numbers and ask your questions regarding TIMES and fees, if any- ask, ask, ask. Maybe take notes in a tiny notebook, of websites, phone numbers, who you talked to, what they said. Then go see Mon-Thurs those who may be able to help you or have them come to meet you (may be a possibility).
There is help out there- it is your job to reach out, ask the questions, make decisions, move forward in your quest for help.
I wish none of this would be as is. It is not right that you and your brother are abused. Unfortunately, it is you who has to do the work of looking for and getting the help that is available.
Post anytime, Jessica-
AND IF ANYONE READING THIS HAS ANY OTHER IDEAS OR INFORMATION, PLEASE LET JESSICA KNOW BY POSTING HERE.
anitaOctober 21, 2015 at 1:26 pm #85813AnonymousInactive
Thank you Anita. I will make calls and see what I can find.October 21, 2015 at 2:20 pm #85819JenniferParticipant
Thanks for responding. I’ve skimmed through and found a few that are near Brooklyn Crown Heights. You can call and tell them about your situation & see if you can get free consultation:
1. Beverley Mack Harry
738 Crown Street, Brooklyn N.Y. 11213
They specialize in working with youth and families with Caribbean heritage.
2. If your zip code is 11207 and 11208, Beacon Hill Family Place offers free counselling
350 Linwood St Brooklyn, NY 11208
They provide family counselling and youth support groups
3. Brooklyn Center for Families in Crisis
1309-1311 Foster Avenue Brooklyn, NY 11230
They provide intake assessments to determine what your needs are. This one offers fee on sliding scale and perhaps you can ask if they have free consultation for students.
4. You can also contact your college counsellor again to see if they can help you find a free social worker/therapist for you. Almost all therapists work Monday through Thursday.
Are you part of any spiritual community or church groups? Often these groups have resources to provide free counselling.
If you ever can’t sleep at night and need to talk to someone…you can call the 24-hour hotline:
It is completely confidential and open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week
Let us know if you need more help! I went through therapy myself a few years ago…it was the best decision I made for myself & my parents.
JenniferOctober 21, 2015 at 2:54 pm #85821AnonymousInactive
Thank you Jennifer, and everyone else who responded. I’ll look into these and do my best to get help. If anyone has any more suggestions, I’ll gladly accept them. Thank you all again 🙂October 22, 2015 at 8:16 am #85845AnonymousGuest
You are welcome. I often get overwhelmed with Too Much Information as I got when I googled. I am glad Jennifer Ma googled and listed the websites for you, something I didn’t feel capable of doing. I do hope you follow up- get the info! Regarding your concern of fees, there shouldn’t be any fees for helping abused children. The whole idea is that these are children. Websites and organization for helping CHILDREN, minors, should not charge any fee from you!
Take care, Jessica, my Hero. Contact, Call, and be careful.