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April 5, 2022 at 4:52 pm #397102
CarsonParticipantMy name is Carson. I am a 22 year old who has been abused emotionally by my parents my whole life. It took me a while to come to this realization. But now I pick up on the signs, and I feel for my inner child. He wants to run away. In fact, last night I was so upset with my parents I decided to hop in my car and get away from the house. I thought about all of the pain they have caused me, and that is something that is very difficult for me to forgive.
The emotional abuse started when I was a little kid. I was putting on lipstick and this was something that made me happy. My mom took the lipstick and decided to put it up. Not even talking to me about it. In second grade I had a head surgery. This was devastating as my dad was an athlete, and it limited me on which sports I could play. In third grade, my dad told a girl I liked her. It may not seem like a big deal, but to me it was. It was like he was forcing me to go out and get one. And my mom was in his corner.
Fast forward to today. I have been in and out of mental hospitals for this past year. I literally am so afraid of my dad I want to run away. He gets mad when I do things that have a chance of harming him. I think it would be good to get space. and I have the opportunity to live with a couple of very nice guys this next year. Any suggestions on what to do? I confronted my parents last night and they were in denial about them covering up my sexuality. They say they will take this to their grave. Which puts me in a predicament.
April 5, 2022 at 7:30 pm #397145
AnonymousGuestDear Carson:
Welcome back to the forum!
Having read your previous threads, I think that you should move out of your parents’ home and live away from them as soon as possible. But because you’ve been in and out of metal hospitals for this past year, it’s important that you get the help of a mental health professional in regard to how to make the moving happen, in practical terms.
I want to write to you more Wed morning, which is in about 11 hours from now. Please feel free to post again before I return.
anita
April 5, 2022 at 7:57 pm #397146CarsonParticipantI will do. Thank you for the message.
April 6, 2022 at 12:35 am #397150
HelcatParticipantHi Carson
Wow, the way your parents treat you is awful! I’m glad you are looking for accommodation elsewhere. I hope getting away from your parents will help. I would encourage you to meet people who do accept you for who you are. The need for love from our family can be met by others and ourselves.
Sexual orientation discrimination from your parents must be terrible to deal with. Your sexuality is a natural part of who you are and denying that is incredibly damaging. Your parents are bigots. Their prejudice is a failure to be decent human beings. Ultimately, it has nothing to do with you. They would treat anyone who’s sexuality they didn’t agree with in a similar way.
April 6, 2022 at 8:05 am #397155AnonymousGuestDear Carson
“In third grade, my dad told a girl I liked her… He gets mad when I do things that have a chance of harming him” – but he wasn’t mad at himself when he harmed you (Dec 5, 2021, in your thread Shame): “He had me smell his underwear, bath with him, kiss me on the lips in public, and slept naked with me and my mom“.
“And my mom was in his corner“, just like she was when she allowed him to sexually abuse you.
Here is a definition of sexual abuse: “unwanted sexual activity, with perpetrators using force, making threats or taking advantage of victims not able to give consent”-
Notice that the definition says that a perpetrator (your father, an adult) may use force or take advantage of a victim (you, a young child) who is not able to give consent. As a young child, you were not mature enough to understand what was happening and then say Yes or No to your father. When you matured enough to be able to say Yes or No to your father, you said No (“When I told him I was done bathing with him…”, Dec 5).
“My inner child… wants to run away… I literally am so afraid of my dad I want to run away… Any suggestions on what to do?” – talk to one or to a few health care professionals in regard to the sexual abuse that was inflicted on you by your father and accommodated by your mother when you were a young child, and about how currently, the two of them are harassing you in regard to your sexual orientation. Maybe the health care professionals you talk to can locate community resources for you, such as a safe, well-managed group home where you can move to as soon as possible (ASAP) and never again live with your parents!
anita
April 6, 2022 at 7:21 pm #397191CarsonParticipantAnita and Helcat, thank you for the messages. Right now I am waiting for school to start to move in to my new house. If shit hits the fan I could do it sooner. My dad is a narcissist. He doesn’t see how he has caused me harm. He plays the victim. He acts like things are my fault when I tell him to stop doing things. For instance, he has called me honey for my entire life to manipulate me. And two days ago I finally had the courage to stand up to him rationally and tell him that I am not his honey. He told my mom this while we were in an argument tonight, and acted like I’m sensitive. It’s absolute bullshit. I want to get on my own, and find someone else who could take the place of my dad. I think that my dad could change, and I know what exactly to do to change him. But it would be a difficult thing to do. I am a far way away from forgiving him for what he has done to me. I will take my time to process things. I have hope that I will come out of this a much better person, who can help others that have been in situations similar to mine.
April 6, 2022 at 8:27 pm #397194AnonymousGuestDear Carson:
You are welcome! I didn’t understand this sentence: “I want to… find someone else who could take the place of my dad. I think that my dad could change, and I know what exactly to do to change him. But it would be a difficult thing to do” – can you explain it to me: what do you mean by finding someone else to take the place of your father, and … how can you change him exactly?
* I will be back to your thread in about 11 hours.
anita
April 9, 2022 at 12:59 pm #397412AnonymousGuestHow are you, Carson?
anita
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