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Helping out someone financially

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  • December 30, 2020 at 4:03 pm #371920
    Cinnamon635
    Participant

    Hello!

    Hope you are well! It’s been a very tough year for everyone, and I certainly hope things will get better in 2021. I was lucky to have been offered a part-time job after months and months of searching for work. The pay is OK, I haven’t started the job yet but I want to ask your opinion about this – is one (always) obligated to give their parent/parents money? In the past, one of the my parent has asked me to give a certain portion of my pay cheque each month.

    It’s difficult to say no or talk about money to a parent especially, I guess it’s weird and my parent can be passive-aggressive and do guilt-trips.  Several years ago when I was offered a job overseas (the pay wasn’t spectacular but it was the experience I was after), my parent expected me to help out each month, on top of paying my own rent and other various expenses. Once I was expected to give 1/3 of my pay each month.

    Because the current job I have just been offered doesn’t really pay a lot (since it’s part-time), I aim to try to save as much money as I can given the economic uncertainty of our times.

    There are other expenses I need to pay (they are not cheap), but is there a way to say no I can’t afford to contribute a certain amount each month without resulting in a row?  I am worried once I tell my parent about my new job, I would be asked how much I earn and then be expected to pitch in. And are children obligated to tell their parents how much they earn?

    Sorry for the long message! Thank you for listening and I wish you a Happy New Year!

    • This topic was modified 3 years, 11 months ago by Cinnamon635.
    December 30, 2020 at 4:10 pm #371925
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Cinnamon635:

    I will read and rely to you when I am back to the computer in about 14 hours from now. I hope other members will reply to you as well.

    anita

    December 30, 2020 at 6:20 pm #371940
    Cinnamon635
    Participant

    Thank you Anita 🙂

    December 31, 2020 at 7:04 am #371949
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Cinnamon635:

    You shared earlier this month, Dec 5, that you were unemployed and living with your parents (“I am living with my folks so I don’t have to worry about bills”). I am assuming that you are still living with them. You shared that they “can be passive-aggressive and do guilt trip”, and at one point expected you to give them a third of your paycheck.

    And you asked: “is one (always) obligated to give their parent/ parents money?… Is there a way to say no I can’t afford to contribute a certain amount each month without a row?… are children obligated to tell their parents how much they earn?”-

    – my answers: As an adult-child you are not obligated to tell your parents how much you earn, and you are not obligated to give them any money. As a tenant in anyone’s house, you are obligated to pay a reasonable rent and utilities (water, electricity, etc.).

    This means that you have two options: (1) live with your parents as a tenant and pay them rent and utilities, or (2)  rent a room/ share a house elsewhere, and pay rent there.

    Let’s say that elsewhere (#2 option) the rent asked is $300 per month, and your parents (#1 option) want you to pay them $500 per month for similar accommodations. If I was you, I would choose option # 2.

    Just as your parents’ attitude toward you is business (wanting your money), make your attitude toward them business as well: pay them rent in the amount that is comparable to the rental market where you live (pay them less if you work for them, as in doing their cleaning, cooking, etc.). If they want more that the comparable rent—> find another place to live, if possible.

    Thank you for the Happy New Year wishes and I wish you the same. You are welcome to post again and continue this discussion.

    anita

    January 3, 2021 at 6:17 pm #372150
    Cinnamon635
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

    Hope you had a lovely Christmas and a wonderful new year. As always, thank you for your insights.  It has given me a better perspective about personal finances and that it is not an obligation to tell your folks how much you earn. At the moment I only managed to land a P/T contract role which, on the whole, doesn’t really pay a lot. I don’t mind helping out my folks, but only if it’s doable from my part without hurting my own future savings.  I take your advice on researching and paying the comparable rent because at least it will give me an idea on the amount and I can work from that.

    Once again thank you so much! Will let you know how it goes.

    Warm regards,

    Cinnamon

    • This reply was modified 3 years, 11 months ago by Cinnamon635.
    January 3, 2021 at 7:39 pm #372152
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Cinnamon:

    You are welcome and thank you for your kind words. I am glad to read from you and looking forward to you letting me know how it goes further. Warm regards to you as well!

    anita

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