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Peppermint

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Viewing 5 posts - 1 through 5 (of 5 total)
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  • #361733
    Peppermint
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

    Thank you for your post. He says there’s a better opportunity for me in the UK (job-wise). In an ideal world, I would have thought he would prioritise what’s best for me, but can’t also help feeling he could be placing his interests first instead. I’m not afraid of him in a sense that he might dump me if things don’t go as he plans, but kind of more like I don’t want a row.

    Thinking back, whenever I tell him the certain challenges I will face if I go back to the UK, he keeps saying he understands but then says to me “you just need to bite the bullet”, then he talks about tough decisions we all have to make in life etc.  He is expecting me to submit a visa application this week but at the moment, the place I’m living in is in a lockdown and many places are shut. Is it a bad sign that I am nervous about telling him that there are more delays re stuff like visa applications, flights etc.? I guess in other words, things he probably doesn’t want to hear?

    Thank you for your time,

    Warm regards,

    Peppermint

    #361627
    Peppermint
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

    Thank you for your post. Sometimes when he is stressed he does get a little short-tempered. I try to understand what he goes through at work but I don’t think he should be rude though. He’s expecting me to make a visa application this week. I just don’t have a way of telling him that everything has been put on hold – including visa centres here. I think the biggest problem is if he would listen at all, and understand.

    Today he asked me if I want to still go through with moving abroad, I just kind of said yes mechanically. I know I shouldn’t allow someone to push me, but there’s just no way he will listen when I tell him it’s pointless trying to submit visa applications because travelling overseas is banned here. This “overly optimistic” approach is…well…kind of beginning to annoy me and when I talk to him about the realistic state of play, it’s almost like talking to a brick wall. He also says “I understand but…”.

    I just don’t know how to get through to someone who says they are listening but aren’t really registering.

    Apologies for the rant. I really appreciate you listening to my problems. I guess I’m just a bit tired.

    Thank you for your time,

    Warm regards

    Peppermint

    • This reply was modified 3 weeks, 1 day ago by Peppermint.
    #361514
    Peppermint
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

    Thank you for your post. We generally get on fine, in terms of talking about different topics but it’s just whenever we talk about my moving overseas to be with him it sometimes ends in a row and him sometimes hanging up on me. I know he has a stressful job and works about 10-12 hours for 5-6 days per week. I try to be supportive and have told him before don’t hang up on me because it’s rude.

    The indebtedness is not monetary. He doesn’t expect me to pay back all the money he had spent on me. There never has been any agreement about returning that money. The indebtedness is kind of more from the emotional support he had given me during my stressful time in the UK. And that he had been very kind to me.

    He said he does acknowledge my doubts, but at the same time he said I need to take the plunge if I intended on moving back to the UK. But you have identified my feelings very accurately; I do feel like the overly optimistic assertions make me feel that my thoughts are not valid and that I need to be “positive” all the time. I do try to be positive but I am also can’t ignore the fact that it is a rather difficult time to plan anything or do anything. A lot of our lives and plans have remained inert due to the pandemic. And as Inky pointed out in the above post, it might be difficult to land on my feet (job-wise). I try to think that if I were to choose to move overseas, I should at least “do it for myself” so I get more fulfilment out of it.

    Thank you for your time,

    Warm regards,

    Peppermint

     

    #361468
    Peppermint
    Participant

    Hi Inky,

    Thank you for your response and for your advice. I do try to be open-minded about taking new turns in life etc., but you are right about job security. Moving overseas is difficult, even after Covid-19 because job prospects will be difficult everywhere. I suddenly had a thought if I move there, after lockdown, and find myself with no job for say, 6 months or a year, I won’t have any financial security. I have tried to explain to him the difficulties I will face and the difficulties and delays in making, if I decide to, any visa applications because a lot of things are suspended for a indefinite period of time. But he is expecting me to start an application soon. Every time I think about it, it makes me nervous.

    Thank you for your time,

    Best,

    Peppermint

     

    #361466
    Peppermint
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

    Thank you for your prompt response and I really appreciate your advice and thoughts. You are right about this is not quite the right time to make a life-changing decisions because we still don’t know how Covid-19 will pan out in the foreseeable future. When he asked me whether I want to do this or not, I often hesitantly say yes. I am worried that if I tell him I want hold off any decision-making we might get into a row. He seems to believe everything will be fine in 6 months but we don’t know when the pandemic will end. He has offered to pay for the cost of the application but I’ve tried to tell him to hold off but he is just so optimistic about the pandemic will be over in 6 months.

    I just don’t have the courage to tell him that right now it’s not the time to think about any sort of applications. I have told him it’s not even the right time to make applications for visas to another country because it just seems impractical now. I have previously raised the concerns that I have (the ones listed above) but he has, often been, an optimistic person.

    He says he understands the difficulties I will face but he said if I choose to go back, I will have to bite the bullet. I know sometimes we have a few adventures in our life and need to take the plunge, and make difficult decisions. But I’ve always been a person who checks the depth of the swimming pool before diving in.

    But yes, in some ways, I feel like I am indebted to him because when I was in the UK, working in a really tough and stressful job, he was really supportive and always protected me. He has treated me really well and we do get on well. We have a lot of happy memories but I know I need to make a decision.

    Thank you for your time,

    Warm regards

    Peppermint

Viewing 5 posts - 1 through 5 (of 5 total)