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How to ask a relative to pay you back

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  • #370558
    Cinnamon635
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    I hope you are well. I am writing to ask a little guidance on how to ask my relative to pay back the money she owes me, without being awkward or ungrateful. I am out of work at the moment and several months ago I lent her some money. She has helped me out before and I don’t want to appear ungrateful.

    I am wondering if there is a way to ask her to pay the money back? I guess money is a sensitive thing and I’m not entirely sure how to bring it up gently. I am living with my folks so I don’t have to worry about bills (which she is aware of). So I feel like I don’t really have a legit sort of excuse to ask for the money back.

    Thank you for your time,

    Best,

    Strapped

     

    #370559
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Peppermint:

    I will read and reply to you (and to other members) when I am back to the computer, in about 9 hours from now.

    anita

    • This reply was modified 7 months, 3 weeks ago by anita.
    #370566
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Peppermint:

    I am well, thank you. Before I attend to the current topic I want to mention something interesting regarding your previous thread of July this year:

    On July 12, you wrote regarding what the older man who lives in the UK thought about the pandemic: “He seems to believe everything will be fine in 6 months.. he is just so optimistic about the pandemic will be over in 6 months”.

    Regarding what you thought about the pandemic, you wrote: “we still don’t know how Covid-19 will pan out in the foreseeable future… we don’t know when the pandemic will end”.

    On July 12, in the UK, there were 651 new cases of Covid-19 infections, and 9 deaths. Almost five months later in the UK, on Dec 5- there were 15,539 new cases and 397 new deaths.

    Clearly he was wrong and his optimism turned out to be far, far from reality. Not only is the pandemic not over in the UK (and elsewhere)- it is many, many times worse. You have a good reason to suspect any other optimism assertion that he may make to you.

    You wrote at the time: “I do feel like the overly optimistic assertions make me feel that my thoughts are not valid and that I need to be ‘positive’ all the time. I do try to be positive but I can’t ignore the fact that it is a rather difficult time to plan anything or do anything. A lot of our lives and plans have remained inert due to the pandemic”- he was indeed overly optimistic, and your thoughts were valid and realistic.

    And now, regarding the current topic, you wrote that you are (still) unemployed, living with your parents, and therefore not paying bills, and you want to ask your relative to pay you back for money she owes you. But you feel that you “don’t really have a legit sort of excuse to ask for the money back”-

    – If it’s been agreed that she pays you back and the debt is overdue, she should have paid you back on her own, or if she needed more time, she should have asked you for more time. It’s too bad that it often happens that a person lends money, and then have to ask for it, and feel that an excuse is needed.

    But this is the case here. So, you can ask her without giving a reason for asking. You can say in a casual, friendly tone: can you pay me back for (the amount) that I loaned you?

    Ask that and say nothing more, just wait for her answer.

    If she asks you: what do you need the money for.. you are not paying bills, etc. (which would be none of her business), you can say: I really need that money. Can you pay me back very soon?

    – you need the money, if for no other reason, just for your peace of mind, so that you don’t have to think about it anymore and be in suspense. Don’t tell her what you need the money for because that puts you in a position of weakness, as if you are asking her for her money. It is your money, so you don’t need to give her a reason or an excuse.

    anita

     

    #370631
    Cinnamon635
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

    Thank you once again for your prompt and helpful responses. I hope you are keeping well. I apologise I was unable to reply to you in my first topic. You are right about the UK, over the past few months their cases have been getting worse and worse. I have spoken to him about it and now my partner has acknowledged it and thankfully it has made him a little more open-minded about our situation. In times like these, it’s really hard to tell what will happen. Thank you so much for your support 🙂

    You’re right about not needing to make excuses to remind my relative about repayment because it weakens my position – I had never actually thought about that until you mentioned it. It’s very strange that sometimes the person lending the money is more concerned than the debtor!

    Thank you once again for your guidance!

    Peppermint

    #370635
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Peppermint:

    You are most welcome. I am glad he is more open-minded to your thoughts and positions and to what is practical. And I hope you receive your money back soon! Post again anytime, on any topic.

    anita

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