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Anonymous.
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April 19, 2018 at 7:28 am #203159
JakeParticipantGood morning everyone,
I have been seeking out a ton of advice and have a good support network. I am just tired of bugging them and it is all over the phone. (I do not have a strong local support network where I live) I recently broke up with my girlfriend of ~3 years and am feeling extreme regret. Throughout the entire relationship I had doubts, why I am not exactly sure. I never took the time to be fully present with her and was often angry at her for no reason. I moved to a new city for her and began college because she felt it would be the best choice for our future. (I was working a dead end job at the time) I did not really want to go but it made sense. Now I am stuck in this new city and she is gone. I am questioning my want to be in school and pursuing a nursing degree. I have lived a life chasing the expectations of others. I legitimately hate myself and never learned to love myself. I have been going to therapy and was practicing Vipassana meditation intently up until last week. I feel like I have no purpose and I dont know how to find it. After 26 years of life I still feel lost. I feel like I am always chasing the affirmation of someone else rather than doing something for me. And I guess it takes time to heal from a relationship, but there is this feeling of hopelessness moving forward. Every picture that I look back on I can only think about feeling fake in that moment. How do you become happy?
April 19, 2018 at 7:46 am #203173
AnonymousGuestDear Jake:
You wrote that you were “often angry at her for no reason”.
Only there was a reason. Doesn’t mean she did anything wrong to you, but there was a reason.
You wrote: “I have lived a life chasing the expectations of others”- is the reason here, in this sentence?
You chased the expectations of others, meaning, you didn’t catch up to those expectations, this is why you kept chasing. Didn’t fulfil those, kept chasing. How did it feel, how does it feel?
anita
April 19, 2018 at 8:25 am #203189JakeParticipantIt does not feel good. Growing up I had trouble with my dad and was kicked out of the house for a while. And I met my goal of joining the Marines, by now that I have been out I don’t feel any reason to do anything. I may have been meeting those expectations but I always felt that someone wanted more from me. WhenevrW someone says something nice or does something for me I feel undeserving.
April 19, 2018 at 8:48 am #203195AnonymousGuestDear Jake:
You wrote in your original post: “I am always chasing the affirmations of someone else rather than doing something for me”.
Is that why you joined the Marines? To receive your father’s approval of you, his affirmation that you are a good boy, a good person?
“I met my goal of joining the Marines, by now that I have been our I don’t feel any reason to do anything”- the reason you don’t feel like doing anything may be that you are tired of chasing your father, then tired of chasing others, chasing for that affirmation that you are a good boy, a good person.
Without that affirmation, without knowing that you are a good person, how can you proceed to live your own life and do anything at all for you…
Am I correct?
anita
April 19, 2018 at 11:03 am #203235JakeParticipantSince I was a kid I wanted to do the Marines. But it was from all of the stories that I heard from the family, and maybe it was a way to escape. And I agree, I feel like there is no purpose because there is no one here to Pat me on the back anymore, I’m off on my own. I know that is all part of growing up.
April 19, 2018 at 11:18 am #203237AnonymousGuestDear Jake:
“I’m off on my own”, you wrote. It is very difficult to start adult living without that affirmation so needed in childhood. A child needs to know he (or she) is okay, acceptable, a good person before living a good, functional life as an adult.
Too many of us face adult living without that affirmation, without that desperately needed approval. What now and where does one go from here?
Slowly, cautiously, open yourself to the idea that you are okay, acceptable and a good person, loving and lovable. Consider it. I had no idea I was okay, no idea until I considered it.
Feel free to post more, for as long as it may be helpful to you. Take good care of yourself.
* will be back to the computer in about sixteen hours.
anita
April 19, 2018 at 11:43 am #203239JakeParticipantThank you Anita, that last bit of advice is very welcome. I hope that you have a wonderful day!
April 20, 2018 at 4:29 am #203313AnonymousGuestYou are welcome, Jake, and thank you. Post again anytime, if you would like to.
anita
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