I live together with my fiancee and I love him very much. He is the center of my universe. Everything starts and ends with him. Without him all things just make no sense at all. We have been living a good life, and we are happy. We are all we need and we could not ask for more. UNTIL…

His ex-girlfriend emailed and told me my partner is cheating on me. That he is seeing other GIRLS out. And apart from that he also wanted to reestablish his intimate relationship with her. That moment I felt like my world shattered into pieces. And I cried my heart out. Of all the people in the world, it is the EX-GIRLFRIEND who informed me. I do not know if I should be happy or mad. But there is only one feeling I knew I am sure of having – hurt. And I thought I have died a thousand deaths for what I have learned.

But because I love him, I have not said a word to him about me knowing his wrong doing or to put it simple, cheating. I woke up every morning and slept every night pretending I know nothing. And it is hard. And it is only then I started to observe how my partner is behaving. I noticed he is always on his phone messaging I do not know who, always on the laptop computer emailing I do not know who, comes home late, and he often argues with me over senseless things these times. He’s gone cold. He’s changed.

And I wonder if his feelings has also changed. I felt like our relationship is dying.

One day I gathered all my confidence and guts and asked him if there is something wrong with us, he answered none. I asked him if he is seeing someone else, he said no. I asked him if he is communicating with his ex-girlfriend, he said no. He lied.

I did not asked any further and I have not said a thing anymore. I want to believe him, but inside me my soul cries out loud wanting for assurance.

The truth is that I am scared. Scared that I might lose him if he knows I know he is cheating. Scared that he might say we are not working anymore , and that is the reason why he cheated, and we should stop. That would mean he will be choosing his “other girls”. And I could not bear it. It is just too painful. I do not want to lose him.

But I came to the realization that I had enough. And I cannot go on like this anymore. They say “It takes two to tango”. But I am dancing alone. I am fighting alone. And I am tired of it. So I stayed away from him though I have not said anything about us breaking up, and neither did he. At this time, I just want to think, carefully of the right decisions that I will make. I know it is only right to leave when you are already replaced but I love him so much. I cannot just leave him. If I can I could have left him the instant I knew he cheated.

Actually right now, I am still hoping he would come to me and say sorry for what he has done, I will immediately forgive him. I will give him chances everyday to prove himself to me so that I could trust him again. I will forget everything. We will start a new life. One without lies, secrets, and pretensions. All for him. Because I love him. But if he decides to leave, then i have to let him go.

Guess this is just life working its ways. And whatever may happen, I am sure I am ready to face it head on.