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Horray! Friend unblocks me & partially restarts friendship!

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  • #399532
    Dude
    Participant

    Hello

    I made a previous post https://tinybuddha.com/topic/3-months-ago-friend-blocked-me-for-an-incident-now-i-want-to-restart/

    The original story, Friend felt very uncomfortable being in my garage because of the cameras, me asking & pleading hm to bounce on the ball, me having the garage closed & me guilt tripping him to come back to the garage to talk to my aunt. On September 14, 2021 he blocked me off every main source of contact.

    Fast forward 7 months & 21 days later, a mutual friend advised Friend to reach out to me. Out of a surprise, Friend unblocks me & decides to actually call me. I didn’t think he would do it since he sounded kind of reluctant initially to talk to me.

    As we started talking, I immediately apologize about the September 9 visit. He said he forgave me & asked me not to think about it. But then he told me 1 of the cameras in the garage recorded for the entire length we were in there. We argued for a bit, but then I stopped it by saying “Regardless, it made you uncomfortable. As a host this is something I take responsibility for”. I asked him if he wanted to resume the friendship. Initially, he disagreed because he said “we haven’t talked in a while & 1 major factor was that you made me very uncomfortable that day. After that day, I’d never want to talk to you again. This was the worst thing I’ve ever experienced in my life”. He initially came to my house because “[I] said [I] was depressed & I felt bad. No matter if you were someone I didn’t know, an acquaintance or a close friend, I still would’ve came over”. He also said “I hope you don’t do this to anyone else”. I decided to challenge his decision by saying “I understand how you feel. But knowing that your visit to my old house was the worst thing you’ve ever experienced in your life made me feel guilty, ashamed & embarrassed. The trust you had with me is broken. If there’s anything I could do to remove that feeling from you, I would. & also since I’ve moved, we once again have the opportunity to hang out wherever we want” After saying that, Friend eventually reverts his decision & tells me “I’d be okay hanging out in a group setting with you. Like at a large social event. But we can hang out in our friend group, I’d be okay with that. Just let me know in June when you want to hang out”. Although he wasn’t comfortable yet readding me on social media, he says he’s okay with us being together in a group. I vowed to him that I will never put not only him but my other friends in an uncomfortable position ever again. When I asked him how long it would be until he would regain my trust, he said “until I’m comfortable”.

    I thanked him for forgiving me & giving me another chance. I told him “I’m looking forward to the day we can finally be friends again.”

    Since the friendship has been partially restored, our mutual friend & I want to erase those bad memories Friend had. We plan to hang out a lot this summer, & I’m willing to take however long it takes to restore that bond we had before. Our method is to keep seeing him as normal, so when he sees me now, he’ll forget about our past.

    Has anyone went through a similar situation before? What are some things that our mutual friend & I can do to help him erase those bad memories? We want to be able to restore the bond Friend & I had right before he came over to my house.

     

     

    #399552
    Helcat
    Participant

    Hi Dude

    No people don’t usually experience similar circumstances. There is a reason why this experience makes everyone but you uncomfortable.

    There were cameras involved this immediately suggests two things a) a sexual connotation b) bullying. Attempting to coerce him by offering money to bounce directly reinforces these connotations.

    What happened was wildly inappropriate. I don’t think that he will ever forget it.

    That being said, this is the first time you have expressed remorse about what happened. Finally understanding the harm caused however painful is a step in the right direction.

    • This reply was modified 2 weeks, 6 days ago by Helcat.
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