How do I change….

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    the way I feel about things. I’m tired of letting myself get hurt constantly. I have dealt with a narcissistic mother my whole life. I’m on another website to help me understand her and pull myself away from her. So even though it’s a struggle I’m dealing with it. My best friend of 11 or 12 years is another story. Our whole friendship she has always been the one that is always in control, house has to be perfect, her husband does everything for her, they go on vacations all the time and pretty much have a really good life. They aren’t rich but they are very comfortable. I have always struggled a little more financially, I’m going through a separation, and never had anyone that I have ever felt I could get really close to. I’m ok with it for the most part but sometimes it’s hard. I would be lying if I said I never feel jealous of those that have more than me but at the same time I know that having more doesn’t make you happy. My best friend is the most unhappy person I know, she constantly worries about everything and can’t enjoy what she has where for the most part I enjoy life and what little I do have. Especially my kids, they are awesome. Anyways, for the past couple of years our relationship has been strained. I am the type of person that enjoys doing new things. I’ll tell her about them and say it would be fun for us to do, she always says yea but never does anything that is my idea. From little things like watching a show or reading a book to bigger things like vacations or day trips. She has this other man in her life (not her husband but her husband knows about him). He treats her like she’s the best thing ever for a few weeks and I hear her being giggly and so happy and she tells me how he told her something that would be fun to do or watch and she’s right on it. Then he will quit calling completely and ignoring her text. I’m left trying to help her out of her depressed state (in bed crying for days and being snappy to me, her kids and her husband.) Then it all happens again. This has been going on for 2 years. She has had other people come into her life, they recommend something and she’s right on it. She eventually has nothing to do with them because of her anger and blowing up or because life moves on. I’m still left feeling like why is it that nothing I say is important enough to do. She has told me when I brought it up that it’s because she knows that her husband, family and me won’t go anywhere and she doesn’t feel like she needs to do things we want but it’s why she does everything everyone else recommends. I even asked her for 10 years to do one thing with me, it was always no she wouldn’t, one day she wakes up and tells me that her and another friend (who she is no longer friends with) did what I had wanted us to experience together. I’m hurt. Yesterday she was in a mood and got really snippy with me. I told her how I was feeling and she just flew all over me. Telling me that I didn’t have any right to feel that way. She can’t understand why what she decides to do hurts me so bad. Then tells me over and over again how I’m just insecure and I need to work on that. I’m left feeling numb. Am I stupid for letting these things get to me? Am I the only one that would be hurt? Does she deserve a better friend than me? I need to know how to change my way of thinking. How do I not let her actions affect me (she says her actions are hers and shouldn’t affect me). I feel weak and lonely right now. I am sorry for being all over the place it’s just how I feel right now, all over the place.


    I am sorry for your pain. I invite you to read your own posting and look at yourself and your relationship with your friend. How would you judge your friend’s behavior toward you? How does that feel with her treatment of you? Pay attention to that. Examine what are the real reasons why you want to be friends with someone who treats you like how you describe. Look at how you value and feel about yourself. If you were that friend, would you treat yourself that way?

    I will be interested in your responses.

    Take care Hopeful.


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