It sounds like what you’re really upset about is that your husband kept his infidelity from you for all these years–he wasn’t completely open and honest with you when it happened, not the act itself. This man is the one you vowed to love, honor and cherish (and he made that same vow to you)…of course finding out that he was unfaithful at one time will feel like a terrible betrayal…you are allowing yourself to feel that pain and anger, which is natural. Those feelings have their place and time, but that time is past for you.

You have probably heard this many times before, but you have a lot to be thankful for in your marriage the way it stands today. Your husband loves you. He treats you with kindness and respect, and does his best by you. That, certainly, is something to be grateful for!

I hope that very soon you two do something fun that celebrates the joy that each has brought to the other–doesn’t have to be a special occasion…maybe dinner tonight!

One question, though–you say that the woman with whom he was unfaithful is still a part of your lives…how big a role does she play in your life? Have you spoken to her about how you are feeling (if possible and practical?)

Good luck to you.

I am glad to hear that you and your husband are both working on moving on from that mistake. We all make mistakes and the best thing we can do to rectify them is to take responsibility, forgive ourselves and move on.

It is a shame that this girl can’t let go of what happened, but that has nothing to do with you or your husband. She is responsible for her own feelings and actions. She has to seek healing for herself, and perhaps she will someday. That is not your concern.

I went through something similarly painful with my ex-husband, though the situation was not the same. Long story short, for years after the divorce I was angry and in pain. I’m still healing and letting go. The journey is difficult, but rewarding.

I hope you and your husband continue to grow together!