Hi everyone,
I”ll try to keep this short. My Indian boyfriend and I dated for 2 years and wanted to get married. His parents weren’t for our union but my boyfriend fought with them and stood up for us, and got them to reluctantly agree to allow us to get married. I had a test and needed to study for 6 months and didn’t want to make any definitive wedding plans till afterwards. I thought things between my boyfriend and I were going fine. However, after my test, when I wanted to start making the wedding plans, he told me that his parents have changed their mind and now are no longer supportive of our union. He said that I should give him time to convince them. But he was being weird, distant and just not the same. I gave him a good 5 months and finally got fed up and broke up with him. After being broken up for 4 months, he came back to me, begging me to take him back, and said his parents are now supportive. I didn’t believe him and asked him what has changed. Then he told me that there was another girl, an Indian girl, that he was being forced to marry, that ended up being a disaster, so they were sorry and supportive of our union now. Apparantly, his parents had been urging him to talk to other girls while I was studying for my test, and after my test was over, they gave him an ultimatum, pick one of the 3 indian girls we have chosen or we will disown you. He picked one, and they proceeded to do an engagement ceremony with her, take engagement photos, all while we were still dating and he was “fighting for us.” They wanted to rush him into this to prevent him from marrying me. I asked him why he went through with it, and he said it was to get his parents off his back and he was compartmentalizing. I asked him why he didn’t break up with me, and he said it was because he wanted to be with me and was desperately trying to convince his parents that this girl sucked and I was the right one. After we broke up, he spent more time with her and they made out, but never slept together since parental supervision was pretty tight. He said that he tried to give his heart away cause he thought he lost me, but couldn’t do it, still loved me, and fought to break off the engagement and is now back with complete transparency and asking for a second chance. We are now engaged and have been planning a wedding. I forgave him, cause I know the cultural piece is an important one. But the nagging “how could he” and the mental pictures of him with her still haunt me. How do I put it behind me so I can be truly happy. What he did was major deceit and was a major injustice to me. Even if he had good intentions, it doesn’t make it right. He has apologized profusely and his actions have shown me how sorry he really is. I could use any help or advice you can offer. I love him dearly, but I can’t help it when my mind wanders and I remember what happened. I want to erase that 1 year period desperately!