Hey guys,
I don’t think I’m necessarily after advice, it would however be comforting to know that somebody else out there knows how I feel or can give empathy with what I’m going through.
My boyfriend and I of 7 months broke up at the beginning of May because he felt that we were at different stages of life. I’m going to Uni and he wants to buy a house and things like that, he was 10 years older than me. I thought it was a valid enough reason and I completely understood. In fact, after a couple of weeks of no contact I felt quite relieved that I still had this time at University to discover who I am, since this is a big step for me and I have definitely been considering the age old question of “who am I?”. After a really painful, heartbreaking break-up where I don’t think I have ever felt as low, he messaged me after about 2 weeks saying that he missed a lot of our relationship because we were so compatible. We definitely were, we had the same interests and sense of humor, and underneath his ‘cold’ front, he was quite lovely. His personality was always really difficult to connect to, and i blamed the lack of emotion on his childhood which he told me he thought had affected him a lot. I pushed through, and I think I could have learned to love him for him even more so. Anyway, after a few days of deliberation I decided to give it a shot. He seemed so genuine, and said that he loved me forever, blah blah blah. We got back together, and I was happy. It felt normal, like we had slipped back into ‘us’ unchanged as a couple.

Yesterday, I have a feeling in my gut that tells me something is going to go wrong – does anyone else get that? A strong feeling, or a change in the air that sort of prepares you for something to change your path on that day. He had been acting off with me over the weekend, asking if I could stay at home for a few nights whilst he sorted out his room, you know – just a general tidy up and clean. I was fine with it, although the way he broke up with me last time did stick with me and I could feel the pattern emerging yet again. He grows cold and kind of ignorant, won’t let me round, and subsequently would dump me via Facebook. SO i messaged him – “are you going to break up with me today?” – he said yes, in more words

I asked him why, and he told me he cheated on me before with his ex girlfriend. The reason for the second breakup; he A) didn’t want to continue our ‘restart’ with a guilty conscience and B) didn’t want to restart with me knowing. He told me that this was the real reason for the first break up too. He justified this with “honesty NOT being the best policy” to start with for my own “protection”

Right now, the prevailing emotion is anger. I am so mad that he said he wanted me “forever” yet was completely dishonest even when I asked us to both put our cards on the table. I think I dodged a bullet, and I can tell myself that now, absolutely. I’m not holding him on a pedestal, in fact I think he is disgusting to have treated me like that, with a lack of respect and communication. I won’t tell you I am a saint, however I felt I didn’t do anything wrong. Our relationship was laid back and low maintenance, and I thought we had strong trust. I felt we would really work.

My problem is that I am dreading that this anger will turn into pain, and upset. I really really really don’t and can’t let myself fall as far as I did into that pit. It scared me, and it terrifys me that soon this time of ‘grief’ will come. I’m trying to calm myself by saying that the upset came with the ‘first’ breakup, but I still don’t want him to get to me – he doesn’t deserve to have someone that was so down for him cry over him because he wasn’t in control.

Mainly, I just need a way to stop myself falling into sadness.

Thanks everyone, sorry it’s so long!
Ask as many questions as you want and I’ll elaborate as much as I can.

• This topic was modified 7 years, 9 months ago by Poppyk.
• This topic was modified 7 years, 9 months ago by Poppyk.