Dear Julie:

I would like to help you best I can (being a non professional member here). I have two (groups of) questions:

1. You wrote: “Until recently I lived a normal life when suddenly all collapsed.”- were there changes or events recently that caused the collapse; maybe seemingly small changes or events that tipped the scale?

2. How long have you attended psychotherapy/ how many sessions so far, what is happening in those sessions, did you learn in therapy anything there about you and about the collapse?

anita

Do our experiences crate our thoughts or do our thoughts crate our experience? (read create… but I like crate)

I suspect it both.

We often have little control over the influence’s coming from the outer world however we can influence the stories and thoughts we tell ourselves and in way create the growth we hope for.

The first step is to become conscious of the stories you’re telling yourself and check them for cognitive distortions.
There is always distortions in the stories we tell ourselves so it would be a mistake to label or judge any findings as proof of being bad or stupid (which would be a cognitive distortion) The task is to become conscious of your stories and possible distortions without judgment so that you might respond to them vice react to them

You might enjoy ‘The Art of Racing in the Rain’ by Garth Stein

“In racing, they say that your car goes where your eyes go. The driver who cannot tear his eyes away from the wall as he spins out of control will meet that wall; the driver who looks down the track as he feels his tires break free will regain control of his vehicle.”
― Garth Stein

“To live every day as if it had been stolen from death, that is how I would like to live. To feel the joy of life, as Eve felt the joy of life. To separate oneself from the burden, the angst, the anguish that we all encounter every day. To say I am alive, I am wonderful, I am. I am. That is something to aspire to.”
― Garth Stein

“People are always worried about what’s happening next. They often find it difficult to stand still, to occupy the now without worrying about the future. People are generally not satisfied with what they have; they are very concerned with what they are going to have.”
― Garth Stein

“That which we manifest is before us; we are the creators of our own destiny. Be it through intention or ignorance, our successes and our failures have been brought on by none other than ourselves.”
― Garth Stein

“I know this much about racing in the rain. I know it is about balance. It is about anticipation and patience… [it is also] about the mind! It is about owning one’s body… It is about believing that you are not you; you are everything. And everything is you.”
― Garth Stein

• This reply was modified 7 years, 10 months ago by Peter. Reason: (lol typo crate instead of create, but maybe crate is still correct as our thoughts more easily box us in then free us

Dear ergh:

My mother too, threatened to commit suicide, repeatedly. There is nothing scarier for a child than to lose parent and remain alone. A child is so attached to her mother, that the concept that the mother will kill herself and no longer be there, is like ” staring into the emptiness” for a child, and then disappearing into that emptiness.

So, no, it is not a ” a cliche of childhood traumas influencing us as adults”- it is reality: childhood traumas most definitely influence us greatly as adults, especially in the context of intimate relationships. No wonder moving in with your boyfriend trigerred your anxiety.

The fear you experienced as a child, being threatened to lose your mother to suicide, and then, to add to it, her rejecting you when you reached out to her for comfort, blaming you instead, created your anxiety. Maybe you dealt with it best you could, distracted yourself, received some comfort from your father… but that anxiety was there, triggered and ignited in the new living situation with an intimate other.

Did your therapist tell you how she (or he) intends to go about the process? My therapist gave me a printed paper with his evaluation of me, objectives for therapy and his plan of how to accomplish those objectives. He gave me homework from session to session (giving me printed material to read, and/ or a guided meditation to do, and/ or a written exercise). The therapy was not a vague, wing-it kind of talk therapy, there was a plan to it. How is it in your therapy?

anita