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How much sex should you be having in a new relationship!?

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  • This topic has 2 replies, 3 voices, and was last updated 1 week ago by Hatch.
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  • #356044
    Carol
    Participant

    we’ve been dating for 5 months now, everything’s great BUT sex isn’t happening as often as I’d like and it’s making me feel undesired, insecure etc

    In other relationships the early days have been categorised by lots of sex, a kinda honeymoon period where you’re excited and can’t keep your hands off each other! This relationship isn’t like that.

    afew months into our relationship there was a couple of times he turned me down. That left me feeling rejected and I stopped initiating it.

    we see eachother around 3 times a week. One of those times he’ll sleep over and it’s common that we just don’t have sex and I really struggle  I fancy him, we’re laid in bed together, I want to be close to him and – nothing.

    I’ve raised this with him and he said he’s older than Me –  he’s 39, I’m 33.

    tonight he said how attractive I look and he might have to take me to bed (starting to feel like it’s all in his terms) he didn’t ’take me to bed’.

    ive mentioned this to him via text and he apologised for not ‘taking me to bed’  Again it feels like it’s all on his terms and I’m feeling really undesirable.

    im starting to think there’s an issue here; that he just doesn’t fancy me ‘enough’

    I know people have different sex drives but this is very early in a relationship – should I be worried?

     

    #356046
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Carol:

    Can’t argue or negotiate with sex drive being lower (or higher) than you would like. Reads like he has a lower sex drive than you. Those early days.. kinda honeymoon periods” are characteristic of teenage/ twenties for men, and later twenties/ thirties for women (roughly, in most cases). At 39 he is post that stage, at 33 you are in the midst of it. This is my guess.

    Either you wait to catch up with him or you break up with him and choose a person in your stage of sexual drive, I figure.

    (A low sex drive doesn’t indicate your lack of desirability, it is just that.. he doesn’t have much of an appetite, that is all).

    anita

    #356336
    Hatch
    Participant

    I am a 29 year old male, and early in my relationship the sex was defintely a big part. I would hope after 6 months of being with this partner you could bring it to his attention once more in person and let him know how much its affecting you. Of course, in a loving and serious tone. I’m sure if he cares about you he will be honest and open with you about what it is.

    I would venture to guess even at 39 a male would still have a high sex drive. I know it surely goes doewn some but I would hope at the beginning of a relationship its still present. I think since its bothering you this much just bring it up again with him in person. The beginning stages of a relationship are some of the best times to be honest with your partner because they get to know who you truly are and you want them to know. And with seeing him face to face and bringing it up you could see how he reacts to the question. 6 months is a good amount of time to have your ‘needs’ met.

    Everything always works out in the end, if it is meant to be it will find its way. I wish you nothing but the best, Carol. <3

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