How should I react to this?

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    So some background: at the start of the year my long term partner broke up with me. I am living overseas and he is from this country. I had had a difficult time adjusting to my life overseas and he was a fly-in fly out mine worker so I was predominantly alone. As a result I was under incredible pressure working full time, adjusting to a new country and trying to make a semi-long distance relationship work. So when the break up occurred I had an emotional breakdown and was not really functioning properly. I continued to try to convince him to try our relationship again and he was often giving me mixed signals that he did want to save our relationship. This has continued on for months, at least on my side with a slightly desperate hope that we could rekindle our relationship.

    Jump to last night: I was sent a message from a friend that she had information on my ex partner. Turns out he is engaged and is due to marry in several weeks. He was taking pre-wedding photos a couple of months after our breakup. Though throughout this entire time we have maintained daily communication and as I said he has also given me some indications that he misses me. He has never once mentioned a new partner let alone fiancé. So this is like stepping into an alternative dimension where he has been steadily building a new life, all while I have been nursing my heartbreak and sort of hoping that maybe there’s a chance we could get back together.

    So, anyway I texted him saying I thought he had something to tell me. He has responded by saying he would like to make a call and be honest with me and has been waiting for the right time to tell me but that he has been wrong.

    I am now still waiting for this phone call. I am in two minds whether to wait for the call and tell him what I think when he has had the guts to tell me what has really been going on all this time, or just simply messaging him directly with exactly what I want to say but with the risk that he simply ignores my messages, as he obviously would not have any more need for me to respect him after what he has done.

    Also, I guess I need to tell him that he has destroyed any chance of having a continuing friendship.

    Overall, its hard to put into words how this has made me feel. It was a very hard break up but I almost felt that I could accept it, but to now know that while I was still nursing my wounds and sort of holding onto slim hopes, he has made a completely new life for himself. I feel kind of sad, bitter and disempowered. I’m not even very emotional, I just feel sort of dry and hollow on the inside.

    I feel like it is such a cruel and cold thing to do. I’d like to know what other people think of his behaviour.



    Zoe, my heart is absolutely breaking for you right now. I can’t quite imagine what you must be feeling..

    I think he is a coward for not being upfront and honest with you about anything. Had he been upfront and honest about his intention to move forward with his life (with or without his new fiance) he wouldn’t be having to explain himself right now. I think his behaviour is that of a cowardly, unsure and unsettled man and quite frankly I feel sorry for his wife to be as the foundation to their relationship is clearly built on lies. This is purely a reflection on him and who he is as a person.

    I know this may be easier said then done however I don’t even think he should be given the opportunity to make that call. There is nothing that he can say or do at this point that will even remotely justify his actions. Nothing.

    I know it hurts, I myself am struggling with a break up at the moment, but I do think perhaps this is all the closure you need… I mean how much clearer can he make himself than deciding to marry another woman?

    My thoughts are with you in this difficult time!


    Zoe, I think believe his behavior is awful and it says a lot about him as a person.  He is not the person you should have been with in the first place and I agree with Khasxo that you should not preoccupy your mind with when he is going to make that phone call.  It will do no good to hear excuses or “I’m sorry’s.”  If it means a lot to you maybe you can send that text or letter and let out your thoughts and be done with it and move on.  I don’t think he will ignore your message, I think that he will read it and more than likely he will not respond and that is ok as long as you were able to say your peace.  Even though you are going through a lot of pain I think the idea that he can do this to you is a good sign that he was not the right one for you.

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