Hi Hannah,

I’m so happy you’re here to share this with us – I went through something very similar – so please know that you aren’t alone! College (uni) in general, is really overwhelming! There’s a TON of pressure to get good grades, make lots of friends, and figure out what you want to do with the rest of your life. I remember feeling really alone and anxious about what the future was going to hold for me. I was very social, but was always so worried about what everyone thought about it/if I was good enough, that I never allowed myself to have fun.

I started binge eating right when I started college, and it lasted for about 4 years. I would tell myself that I was going to be “good” and then I would come home and eat everything in sight. The restriction/binging cycle was detrimental on my self-esteem and I found myself feeling more alone than ever. What helped me, was journaling about the way I was feeling, therapy, and eventually seeing a dietician. It turns out, I wasn’t eating enough and that’s why I was binge eating. I think it also had to do with the fact that I was always SO hard on myself. Everything had to be perfect, or I saw myself as a failure.

I graduated from college a year ago, and although I do sometimes feel like I’m not good enough, I have been able to take a step back and realize that I am doing the best I can, and that it is ALWAYS enough. When I’m not feeling up for hanging out with friends, I simply tell them I need a night in to re-charge. It’s amazing how understanding people can be if you just tell them the truth. You don’t always have to attend every party or social situation. In fact, you have to be selfish and take care of yourself first, so you can share up and love others!

I’m extremely sensitive (which it sounds like you are as well) and as much as it seems like a curse, it’s a total blessing. We feel things on such an intense level, but it allows us to relate to other people. It’s one of the reasons why I am taking the time to respond to you, because I get it and want you to know that things can and will get better for you!

I hope you start feeling better and are able to enjoy your time in Uni. Despite everything I went through, it was some of the best years of my life 🙂 Wishing you all the love, xx Mary

Dear Hannah:

Binge eating (as in drug taking, proposed with humor above!) is a desperate way you take to get a break from feeling bad, isn’t it? A quick way to feel better. Feeling alone, lost, sad, scared day after day after day is draining. Feeling drained feels badly. No wonder you want to feel good, of course you do. But how?

Increase your awareness of what it is that is going on with you: what thoughts circulate in your head? Since when? When do you feel good? Was there a time in your life you were happy for a long time? When was that and what changed>

With growing awareness, knowing, you have a chance to, over some time, improve how you feel. Once you have more awareness and see what has happened and what is happening, you can have HOPE of changed feeling for the better. Hope feels good. Having some power in awareness also feels good.

Once you feel good (overall, enough of the time), you will not feel desperate for quick feel good fixes like binge eating.

Please post more: what are your thoughts and feelings about the comments here so far?

anita

Dear Hannah:

There is a part of you that negatively criticizes your own self again and again. Some call it the “Inner Critic.” When the Inner Critic gives you a negative criticism, you feel distress. When someone else gives you negative criticism, it is magnified by the Inner Critic who says something like: “See, I told you that you were wrong, inadequate, etc. I told you.”

That way every negative criticism from the outside carries the additional weight by being magnified by the Inner Critic.

I asked you what thoughts go through your mind. When you become aware of your thoughts, including those self critical thoughts, you can do something about those, something about shrinking that Inner Critic.

The Inner Critic is raining on your parade, making you unhappy. Is it so?

anita