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how to cross this painful phase of life..

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This topic contains 2 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  Inky 2 weeks, 2 days ago.

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  • #292693

    jasny
    Participant

    Hi everyone..

    I want to share my painful phase of life and need your advice to come out of it..It is a very big story though i m not good in writting ihope i can convey my thoughts with you..i am quite introvert girl..i was not having normal childhood because of family issues..my full focus was in studies..i dont remember anything like playing as kid or enjoying like other kids or having frnds..all i remember is i used to read something all the time..i was connected to me than others..i grew up like a rude silent girl..i never had anybody close to me because i never let anybody come close to me..i finished schooling college in distinction..got very good job..flew away from house and living on my own..from childhood i was not having good attachement with my family so they also never used to bother much..i was a happy independent girl going for work..i was happy i was proud about myself that i acheived good position in life..everything was going good till that happend..yes i fall in love with a man who was working with me..i was having secret crush on him for long time..oneday he came to me and said i love u..i was so happy to hear but as an introvert i dont want to fell in trap so i wanted to check everything about him..after finding him as a good man i said ok to him after 6 months..that is the happiest days in my life..till that day i was not having frnds no family attachement no feelings for anyone no emotion..suddenly he came into my life like everything..i clearly told him i am 25 i am not waiting for my boyfriend i m waiting for my husband so this relationship is very important to me..i did everything for him..he also..he used to make me smile..he used to care me…soon we started living together…we were together for 2 years…but always he used to tell i am not loving u the way u r loving me…he is also like me introvert..but i can always understand his love…like a kid i was enjoying my days with him..he didnt give me any clue suddenly one day he called and told it will not work out..we are not made for each other..my parents will not accept you..i want you to be happy..u get married and be happy…my world came to end…i cried a lot and told him we solve whatever the problem it may be..but he blocked me and cut off all contacts..i tried suicide unfortunately i escaped…after 6 months of trying i made him to talk to me..but he was not showing any intrest..he told if u r dying also i cant do anything but i wish u to be happy..i did all the efforts to convince him..now also whenever i am getting frustrated i used to call him and what was the problem why u left me..he is not giving any explantion..slowly i forget to takecare of myself..i lost 25 kg in 6 months…i stopped smiling..i stopped talking to people..i am so scared to see people…somedays i am not eating also..he knows everything i explained him about my situation but he told he canot do anything..his family is important than me tto him…i dont know how i am living how i am passing my days…i am not able to understand what happend to me…i am not able to write this properly my mind is not working nothing makes me excited..i m feeling like get cheated get fooled by him…but in corner of my heart is saying he is good he will come back…i m in a situation whr i dont know how to live or how to die…each day i am going to bed like why i am still living….i know i have to cross but i am not able to find the strenght…i m not able to trust again…please frnds help me to come out of this…i want to see happy me…

    #292725

    anita
    Participant

    Dear jasny:

    It seems to me that what happened is that you grew up not connected to your parents, not because you didn’t want to be connected to them but because they didn’t let you. You did your best to adjust and you did a good job at it, focusing on your studies, reading a lot and you “never let anybody come close to (you)”. You graduated college with distinction, got a good job, moved away, lived independently.. and then, you did let someone come close to you.

    This man in your life, you felt connected to him and when he ended the relationship with you, all the feelings you pushed down since your lonely childhood have come to the surface, and these feelings are painful, making it “this painful phase of life” for you.

    I am wondering, is quality psychotherapy or counseling an option for you?

    anita

     

    #292727

    Inky
    Participant

    Hi jasny,

    Well, of course you might feel devastated. It sounds like this guy was your first real friend, your first real love, your first relationship, your first everything!

    You should not feel suicidal and I’ll tell you why. Life is not like a Disney movie where the princess marries the first person she meets (who turns out to be a prince, by the way!) Statistically you are NOT going to marry the first boyfriend you have. Statistically, NONE of your relationships will be the one that leads to marriage. Generally, people go through several boyfriends and girlfriends (we can Google the exact number) before settling down.

    As for this guy, what I would do is go radio silence on him. Give him a chance to miss you. When he calls assure him that you are still alive and then tell him you have to run you’re late to a meeting, or whatever…. No one wants to be held emotional hostage by a suicidal person. You are holding him emotional hostage. You really think he will come back to you if you keep this up?

    Best,

    Inky

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