How to deal with the inevitable of life?

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    Hello everyone!

    There are always some “inevitables” of life that everyone has to experience. I am TERRIFIED of eventually losing my loved ones (parents and siblings and at time, friends) and of course, pets too. This is a road everyone has to travel down. I know that and I am making lots effort to spend time with family and enjoy the present. But the fear of the future is still there. I recently lost my grandmother, she has lived a very full life and we all know she will pass one day. But since she has been present all my life so her passing away was such an abrupt change in my mental equilibrium that I wasn’t able to process reality. It’s been months and I still can’t believe such a big change has happen literally over a day (like she was still in bed yesterday and today she’s gone). My father recently had an hospitalization, we thought it was a stroke but it turned out to be something minor. Fine. But what if it’s really a stroke in the near future? What if he doesn’t survive it? What if I have to be the one to tell the medical professionals to let him pass on in peace when it’s futile to save him? What if the same things happen to my mom or siblings?

    So much can happen in just one day and our whole lives can turn upside down due to this sudden change. I have so much fear and anxiety over the inevitable, all my “what ifs” I know this is out of my control and I’m throwing away my inner peace and happiness by worrying about these things…. but how do I deal with this? That these things will eventually happen and that I will lose my most beloved ones who knows when? Can be tomorrow or months or years from now?

    Please share your suggustions and advice please. thank you!


    Dear Jade:

    I don’t think there is a way to eliminate this particular anxiety: as humans we are the only animals that can think about death, that can understand that death is inevitable (at least on the rational level), that can see into the future and know that everyone you know will die, and that you do not know when or how.

    So this kind of anxiety, I think, is part of the deal of being human.

    When you think about it, my suggestion: relax into it best you can. Relax into the reality of death, your own and others, best you can.

    When it gets too much, you can think, as I do: one day I will die to and then… I will not be afraid anymore. Good thing… this is not forever.



    When I turned 60 a few years ago, I started developing anxiety about my age and “fear of the unknown”.   I’m in perfect health and still do the things I used to do.  My sister is close to my age and in good health also.  She is the only family I have left and I worry about something happening to her.  I honestly don’t know if I could carry on without her.  I don’t want to be the only one left from my family.  She is the only one I’m really close to and can open up to.  The only thing I worry about myself is getting dementia.  My anxiety about the future is ruining the good things I have right now.


    Hi Jade,

    You may want to take a look at Bach flower Remedies.

    These are made from flower essences – 1 for each state of human mind or emotion.

    There are different flower remedies for different problems (eg; Mimulus remedy is used for fear of public speaking, etc)

    I used to take some of these remedies for my problems and found some relief.

    The Bach remedy you may be looking for is “Red Chestnut“.

    By doing a web search I found that it is written on the ‘Red Chestnut’ bottle as – “allows you to love without anxiety or fear for the well-being of your loved ones”

    Below are some descriptive links on which of the cases one should use this remedy-

    1. http://www.bachcentre.com/centre/38/redchest.htm

    2. http://mudraguide.com/bach-flower-remedies-red-chestnut-and-letting-go.html

    3. http://www.bachflower.org/red_chestnut.htm

    Not 100 % of what is written above may be applicable to you because it is written for a generalized population.


    Do some research and if you are interested and not able to find it then let me know and I will let you know where it is available.





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