Home→Forums→Tough Times→How to find happiness within when everything seems gloomy
- This topic has 3 replies, 4 voices, and was last updated 9 years, 9 months ago by xWhy.
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November 23, 2014 at 3:38 pm #68298PenguinParticipant
Hi all,
I’ve been going through a really tough time in the last year. I’m in my second year of university (studying Philosophy) and am finding the work extremely difficult. This is the least of my worries at present, however. My parents are also currently separating after we found out last year that my dad had been having an affair.
I generally feel very unsupported right now. At university, I pretty much have zero close friends, and my friendships from school have all fizzled out. My parents are both completely wrapped up in their own worries (understandably) so I can’t demand support from them atm. I can smile and chat to people at uni but I have no actual good friends who I can go and have fun with. I thought I was good friends with one girl but unfortunately she suffers from anorexia and has a generally very controlling nature over everything she does, including her friendship with me. I feel like she is actually preventing me from gaining more friends; we share a few modules and I feel like I’m stuck to her. I am in no position to help her concerning her anorexia either at the moment as I’ve recently been diagnosed with depression myself and am seeing a psychologist for weekly CBT sessions. However, I have seen this psychologist for 2 sessions so far and to be honest… she kind of scares me a bit! She seems exasperated with me already!
So in short, I would love to hear some tips on how to find happiness within, because I’ve been struggling for a long time to get more friends and do more interesting things but I’m tired of struggling for external things that could give me happiness. If anyone has any tips on a helpful, more positive mindset, that would be wonderful, as there are times when I feel so overwhelmed by everything that I even begin to wonder what exactly I’m living for. (More often than not, the answer to this is my thankfully very lovely boyfriend, but unfortunately he’s at a different university so I don’t get to see him much.)
November 24, 2014 at 8:41 am #68317KyleParticipantFirst let me say that you can overcome anything. I believe that truly and if you can believe that as well you can start to make a change. If you took a inventory of yourself, I bet you would see so many amazing things that you havent given full attention to. It seems like the situations your going through arent allowing you too see the beautiful person you are. That shell of insecurity may be limiting you and holding you back in many areas. What are your routines and habits. How you start your day is key to me. I dont want to get into your spiritual belief system but what I will say is that if found one thing daily to be grateful for despite what your going through you will see amazing changes. I believe even the smallest things deserve some love. I once wrote that i was grateful for breakfast and my remote control.lol. But seriously I was, I dont like getting up to change the channel. If you have a roof over your head and clothes on your back you’re already winning. Your problems wont go away. In life were always going to go through something its our mindset that defines us not he situation. Take a step back, breathe in the issues, face the challenges. You will get through this.
December 4, 2014 at 9:52 am #68728AnonymousInactiveHi Peng …
Firstly, realise there are a bunch of us, just like you, on here trying to figure our own **** out.
It can be pretty complicated.
I know what it’s like to feel like you don’t have friends or people to turn to.
But it’s not the thing to concern yourself with right now.
Friends will come naturally, when we are happy with ourselves and have something to offer people.If we’re depressed and complaining about our lives, most people will see that as a turn off.
Sucks, but it’s true. The sooner we accept that, the sooner we can concentrate on solutions.
Make a list of problems in your life.
Next, think of solutions.
If a problem is out of your control, i.e. the weather, then you have to accept it and let it be.
No point getting worked up over something we cannot change.
You can’t change your friend’s controlling nature. She’s got to do that herself.
If the psychologist isn’t helping, ditch them and get a new one. Using CBT will probably help though.
‘Feeling Good’ by David Burns is the best book on it.Next up, you need something to aim for. A reason to go on. If not, what’s the point?
So, think about what you want. A holiday? A new car? An Xbox One? A new guitar? Whatever your ‘thing’ is, remember that life can be good and then pay attention to opportunities that may present themselves to you. Good things that will allow you to get what you want.Sometimes, you need to shift your perspective. That can be hard. Of course, if we lost much of the things we took for granted (like a home and food) we’d feel pretty grateful to have them back. Imagine being homeless for a month. That first day back in your house would be such a relief. So, try to remember there are good things in your life and stop comparing your life to what you perceive in others.
And do something new if you need to. If you’re bogged down to a routine, and you’re fed up of your circumstances, you need to take more risks and put yourself out there.I think Kyle (above) makes a good point about how you start your day.
I learnt this the hard way today.
Was up until 3am last night and had an appointment at a job agency this morning.
Rushing around, while feeling exhausted, was not a nice start to the day!I even wrote this blog post: http://stefanalexlay.wordpress.com/2014/12/04/i-feel-defeated-again-im-always-losing-to-myself-anxiety-is-a-killer/
A lot of what I’ve written is for my own benefit too. I need to remember this stuff, because I’m pretty lost too.
Maybe we all are.
But we’ve got to keep doing our best.December 10, 2014 at 12:08 pm #69065xWhyParticipantHey penguin!
Love your name, btw! Sorry you don’t have happy feet right now. Speaking of which, you might try dancing, or something else that’s physical to help with that cloud in your soul right now. But most importantly, you need to establish some good connections to people. Maybe it is not through school. Maybe it’s not in your age group. Go out and explore and appreciate people, actively get to know them, don’t try to make friends. Try to be a friend and learn about others. It will take the focus off you for a bit so that you can take on life with a little more confidence and ease. Friendship and connection are vital to our mental health. Just remember to give your friendship not go get someone’s friendship! Oh and dump that therapist. If you EVER feel discomfort with a therapist like you described, find a new one. It’s not a match. You may have to try several to find a good match. That’s advice for everyone, btw. -
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