HOW TO FIND MYSELF AGAIN

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This topic has 7 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 10 years, 6 months ago by BenzRabbit.

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April 27, 2014 at 1:53 pm #55458

jazg
Participant

Think I could make a film about this I’ll try to keep it short! Had health problems in my teens which improved, then got involved with first boyfriend not right for me but got married to him. Just before we got married he got forced into an arranged marriage and developed so much anger inside him which he decided to direct at me during the marriage for no reason. He became severely depressed and suicidal whilst I became his counsellor, general support and punchbag when he felt like it. I lived in fear most of this time but his health got worse and turned into paranoid schizophrenia and obviously things worsened for me. After tolerating this for 12 years all too well I went back to my parents and luckily for me his paranoia kicked in again when he instigated the divorce. I have been single for 8 years now and unable to work, stuck with the debilitating and very draining childhood health problems that returned to haunt me and much worse! My whole life has disappeared since being ill and everything I knew has gone. Don’t even know what love and appreciation from a man is. I’m a genuinely positive and happy person and spiritual but today am really struggling. Faith and positivity are virtually non-existent and feel like God and the Angels have deserted me. Have been kind and giving all my life but today despite living with family I have no help or support and don’t know how to get back on my path. Feels like I’m living in my own personal hell where nothing good has come into my life for 8 years. Really need some help please!!

April 27, 2014 at 7:22 pm #55478

peter dwyer
Participant

I can’t imagine what it would have been like for you, I like you are lost,
I’ve been like that for nearly 2 years now, people say you have choices
that’s ok if you know what they are, I do know that when one door closes
another one opens, I only hope you find your way.
PS find hugs where ever you can get them.

April 27, 2014 at 8:06 pm #55496

bill
Participant

It sounds like you have given of yourself. I would not spend. too much time thinking about God abandoning you. I am steuck by the fact that you put. up with it all so long. Your needs and time matter. A balance between self and other-orientation is important.
If I were you I would pamper myself. Let the child in you play and create and explore and before you know it your life purposes will appear and lead you back to joy.

April 27, 2014 at 10:22 pm #55497

Giovanni’s Life Coaching
Participant

Hi Tazg,

My name is Giovanni. I work as a life coach. Do you mind if I ask you a few questions to figure out what’s really going on?

So you had health problems when you were a teenager, then they came back after the divorce?
What was the difference between when you had the health problems and when you didn’t? For instance, how did you feel about yourself and life when the health problems were there and when they were gone?

Giovanni

April 28, 2014 at 2:54 pm #55535

jazg
Participant

Hi Giovanni
Thanks for your response. I should clarify my teenage health problems never disappeared, they just calmed down enough for me to function pretty normally and were there even through marriage. They just got much worse after the marriage ended making it impossible for me to work and do normal things. I have been diagnosed with ME last year where symptoms can calm down but re-trigger or worsen through stress. I am very strong and have tolerated too muc, but being pounded with severe stress and dragged into other people’s issues is the reason I have lost everything I achieved and severely weakened and drained with health problems. Unfortunately the way I functioned 8 years back cannot be applied to who I am today, which is why I am totally alone and lost. Never had a loving, kind and supportive partner either has been hell. Everyone needs affection, something you can’t buy unfortunately!!

April 30, 2014 at 5:32 pm #55658

Giovanni’s Life Coaching
Participant

Hi Jazg,

I understand what you’re saying.

I was asking for specific information, for instance, how did you feel about yourself and life when the health problems were there and when they were gone?

If I read it correctly, it seems like your reply was just an attempt to get compassion. Sorry if that offends you. I really do have compassion.

To me, it seems like you believe that you’ve never had a loving, kind and supportive partner, and that’s where the health problems and some of your choices have come from. And that’s probably why you stayed in that relationship, because you believed that at least you had connection.

May 1, 2014 at 2:20 am #55679

jazg
Participant

HI Giovanni
I understand your original question but my health problem has never gone away, just calms down, which is the nature of ME. Also my response was not to get any compassion or sympathy, I’m simply telling you what was going on. I stayed in the relationship for as long as I did because it was a marriage, for the long haul and to make it work that’s the point. But the situation was not normal as I was dealing with his violent temper schizophrenia etc etc making it difficult to just get out easily as you’re living with fear. Not easy for other’s to understand when they haven’t gone through it. You totally misunderstand that as I have never been treated with love and kindness and given any support that’s the reason for staying in the marriage as if I am a clingy person, not me at all. You have not really understood anything I have said. I am not where I am today because of my thought patterns, it’s because of the being dragged into other people’s issues and dealing with “toxic” stress that I should have not have gone through. Not interested in emailing you further, but thanks. See Peter and Bill’s comments before your original comment, they seem to be on the same page as me….
Jaz

May 6, 2014 at 7:30 pm #55925

BenzRabbit
Participant

God and Angels NEVER abandon us!

I am sorry you had to go through tough times but you cannot change the past. What was destined happened! I pray you find the strength to pick up the pieces and create a new life.

Please listen to this song by Josh Groban called You are Loved – it gave me hope and pray it does the same for you. Here is the youtube link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EGLSk3AVcUU

GOD Bless !
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