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How to help heal someone you hurt physically?

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  • April 2, 2014 at 5:14 pm #54041
    Lance
    Participant

    I had a major blow out with my GF where we drank too much and she ended up slapping me while I was driving. I tried to block her slap and hit her in the face and damaged her teeth. We realized the level of alcohol did cause this but I physically hurt her and now we have separated but trying to mend it. She has lots going on and I am trying to be there for her.
    How can I help her heal when she won’t go to therapy, which I have done so I make sure this does not happen ever again?

    April 2, 2014 at 5:23 pm #54042
    cherrymom
    Participant

    First, please don’t drink and drive again. Sounds like you both need to cut the drinking down or out of your lives and start learning to deal with yourselves and each other in a different way. I don’t think therapy is a catch-all answer. You need to want to change on your own. And she needs to want to change on her own. There is no quick fix. But to make things change in your life, you need to try to do something you have never done before… and be committed to making positive changes that will enrich your life. As does she. JMHO.

    April 2, 2014 at 5:33 pm #54043
    Lance
    Participant

    I have not drank since the incident and I told her we need to communicate about everything and not harbor it. TY JMHO

    April 3, 2014 at 5:59 pm #54147
    HabitualLinecrosser
    Participant

    Um Y-e-a-h….next post.

    April 4, 2014 at 8:32 am #54181
    Will
    Participant

    Danger, don’t be so sexist. It’s not cool.

    Lance: It seems like you’re doing all the right things. You’ve sobered up, you’ve had a good look at yourself with a therapist, you’re trying to be there for her, you’re keen on communicating. These are all good things. Beyond that, you can’t MAKE her go to therapy, she needs to want to do that work herself. And you can’t make her heal, either.

    Be there for her, but don’t try to control her. She’s got her own stuff going on. If it comes to the point where she wants to be with you again, that’s good. If she decides that’s not what she wants, then that’s how it is. It’s up to her to heal, and up to her how she does that. All you can do is be a friend.

    April 4, 2014 at 8:54 am #54183
    Lance
    Participant

    Ty Will… Was I being sexist? Do let me know how so I can recognize it.
    We have been talking and seeing one another. I listen without passing judgement no matter what she has to say.
    This site has some great healing exercises and I’ve learned how to filter my jealousy and know it’s not about me.
    If she can’t talk about other issues in her life, right now, all I can do is support her.
    Being a true friend is what I am now but then she does go elsewhere with it.
    It’s a day to day experience for sure.
    I’d love to talk to you more, if there’s a way?

    Lance

    April 7, 2014 at 2:19 am #54401
    Will
    Participant

    Hey Lance,

    No, you weren’t being sexist, Danger was. He was saying something about women being emotional or something. His post seems to have vanished, but Linecrosser responded to it too, so I know I’m not imagining things.

    “Being a true friend is what I am now but then she does go elsewhere with it.”

    I’m not entirely sure what you mean by this, but as I said, it’s not for you to say how she heals, or how she feels about you. Be there for her, but don’t try to control her. If she’d rather hang out with other friends, that’s her right. If she behaves in a way towards you that you’re not willing to put up with, then don’t hang out with her. That’s the only power you have here: be there for her, or let her go. You can’t make any demands on her, given the situation.

    April 9, 2014 at 11:08 am #54553
    Lance
    Participant

    Things are on the mend. I am there for her as a friend. We have spent quality time together and we listen first and do not react. Talking in a loving way is helping.
    I give her space she needs and asks for without question.
    She has, I believe, tested me to see if I would react out of anger but she sees I’m hurt, then we talk about it.
    I believe time will heal this.
    I love this woman dearly and have said that I’m sorry more than enough.
    I feel it’s time to move forward and be positive with us.
    She has a few weeks of high stress to deal with including her son’s college graduation where she will drive from NY to Pa with her ex. I do trust her so it’s not an issue.
    All I can do is show her I support and love her and be the man she fell for in the beginning.

    April 10, 2014 at 2:56 am #54595
    Will
    Participant

    I’m glad to hear that, Lance. You sound like a decent guy. Stay the course, my friend.

    April 10, 2014 at 7:41 am #54603
    Lance
    Participant

    Will,

    Ty, Will, I am but just had a bad thing happen. Everything happens for a reason. Fortunately, I am figuring out why.
    If you’d like to contact me I’d like that.
    Lancesnat@gmail.com

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