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how to keep up relationships even though they are hypocritic

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  • May 16, 2014 at 1:41 am #56387
    hema
    Participant

    hi,
    this may seem not so much important but pls need suggestion regarding relatives and limits….i belong to a large family with 3 aunts and their children and 2 uncles the thing in the past is they used to bitch people whom they dont like and i too used to participate and things were good but now i dont want to simply bitch behnd their backs and smile infront of them…this caused rift between us now they made me target and they have this unusual behaviours and indifferent attitude…i sometimes miss that connection but i dont want to go back and be gossiping person….but since we are indian family…have so many occasions and rituals where we meet often i feel kind of awkward and stuck up situation and they make comments like i dont talk to people now(their way)…and i cannot avoid them also…and i dont want to also. how to maintain healthy relationship? when i call now they wont recieve the call and give some reasons and avoid talking…should i cutoff all the ties be alone? i feel very tense to make a call…pls suggest

    May 16, 2014 at 11:51 am #56412
    jonathon
    Participant

    I know this isn’t easy, especially in a collectivist culture, but you have some options. You can try to talk to them about how they are and how its negative, but this will a tough choice to make as it has the best possible outcome but its risky and really hurting relationships. Another route to go is avoid helping them and just do you’re own thing. Just because they are family doesn’t mean you have to give up so much of what you believe in just because they can’t develop themselves. It might leave you depressed without a good sense of support but there are many out there who’ve been in your situation. A better mind need not be bogged down. Just how i see it. of course its easier for me to say this seeing as I wont have to deal with alienation, depression, support and so on. A person shouldn’t live a lie.

    May 17, 2014 at 5:28 am #56439
    Inky
    Participant

    Could you give them something to talk about beside gossiping? Could you go to the aunts/uncles and ask for advice? Or ask the cousins what they are up to. Or do a project, card game together. They are probably so used to this one way of being/communicating they aren’t used to other ways.

    May 20, 2014 at 11:48 am #56648
    hema
    Participant

    Thank u so much for suggests for caring I felt happy……since till now I have been saying yes to their thoughts I was okay but now its like either I have to be old me or nothing.I feel lonely and left out but I know I should stand on my resolution sometimes I feel like I’m shutting away best avoid than confront…..then this process also seems not working….is it bcoz I lack confidence in myself?

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