I had this problem with a roommate (of one year) a few months back. I was kind, considerate and went way out of my way to help this person while all I received in return was selfish and rude behavior. She would mess up the kitchen and bathroom (which I had to clean up ), and was rude to me and my friends on more than one occasion. I am the kind of person who likes to be conflict free, so I ignored all of this to maintain peace in the house. I very rarely used the kitchen as I used to eat out but since I liked living in a clean space I would clean up the kitchen after she cooked(she cooked 2-3 times a week) . She cleaned the house properly just once during winter holidays when she had no other commitments. After that, with great pleading, I managed to get her to clean the house for 20 minutes every month and thankfully the condition of the house improved and she also did not mess up the house like the last semester. But, still I had to do the majority of the cleaning.

When it was time to move out, I started cleaning the bathroom. While I was cleaning, she started complaining about how she has to use the bathroom in the morning and how she only has to clean after using it and that she will be late to lab etc. I was stunned speechless as I had my thesis presentation the next day (plus had to fly out for an interview the next day) and hence was moving out that night. She was fully aware of this. On top of that, she was moving next door in the morning. I really didn’t know what to say so I just ignored her and finished cleaning the bathroom. In the meantime, she asked me to help clean two of the stove tops that were extremely dirty and rusted due to her cooking. I did this for 45 minutes, then vacuumed the living room and cleared the patio . I thought I finished my responsibility and left without informing her as I was hurt by her words that night.

Next day evening, as I was finishing my thesis presentation and was about to submit it, I am getting a call from her asking me to pick up the shower rod from her ( I had put it in the patio while cleaning and she took it by mistake to her house next door) that was to be given to the leasing office. I asked her why she couldn’t do it and she kept going on and on “You only left it outside, who told you to leave it outside”?

I finally lost my patience and pulled her up for her misbehavior and shirking off her responsibilities. She denied everything and accused me of lying. She told me she was upset with me as I walked off without helping her clean the kitchen fully the night before. She went on and on about how bathroom, living room etc are easy to clean but kitchen is hard. She also told me that being a PhD student, Phd is tougher than master’s and she doesn’t have the time to clean the house. When I told her she was messy, she refused to accept it and said she was very neat and clean.I finally kept the phone down saying I don’t want to speak to a human like you. Next day, she got her husband to give me angry, death stares. I just ignored them and walked on.

I am racked with guilt and anxiety. I was under immense pressure due to my thesis presentation plus interview etc and could have overreacted. I regret losing my temper and wish I could have been more patient. Did I do anything wrong? Should I have stayed back to help her clean the kitchen? How to let go?