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Hai, i just broke up with my GF last week. We were good, i always tried to be everything that she ever wanted, i always tried to make her smile, happy, comfortable with me, i always tired to support her when shes up or down, everything! I feel my gf didn’t appreciate the thing i ever did, she acted weird to me, she did whatever she want not seeing me as her boyfriend (especially my heart feels), i don’t know how to describe it but i can feel it. I tried to speak her slowly, how i feel, what i want but she didnt wanna hear me, she thinks shes always did good, i think it’s called selfish, sometimes when i tried to speak her, she become angry or feeling offended or sometimes she decide that she wants alone, she dumped me and next time everything is alright, i don’t know why. I was so frustrated, i become jealous and feels sensitive about what she did, i couldn’t manage my emotion and power and behaving like a children, and i couldn’t manage the way she treat me. I’m not the type of person like that before, don’t know why i’m like this. The peak of my frustration, when i face the problem that i used to trying to tell my gf about what i feel what i want, i behaving like a children, and i calculate all of things i did to her about my sarcrifice, and everything to just open her eyes open her mind, I’M NOT THE TYPE OF PERSON LIKE THAT BEFORE. And then she replied me, she said “i love you i care bout you but i couldnt do more it feels stuck” and then she dumped me (final decision). Sounds not logical for me, i think she doesn’t love me anymore. But sometimes i can’t let her go, sometimes i feel regret to know her, sometimes i wondered why she didn’t open her eyes her mind, and see what i did to her. What should i do next? Is it possible we can be honest with each other? Are these things people can overcome? Should I just let it go for now and work on myself?
Jose,
This sounds like a situation where you really can not win. Once someones mind is made up, there is nothing we can do to change it. All we can do is accept their decision and appreciate the fact they are their own person entitled to their own thoughts, opinions and feelings. Breakups are tough and you wont be the first and last person to feel heartbroken at the end of a relationship even one that was terrible for you. Its hard to see it now, but in time the fog of your emotions will lift and you will be able to look back and say “hmmm maybe that was for the best” As far as your behavior in acting like a child as you describe, this is something you need to reflect on and get to the bottom of assuming you are unhappy with acting this way. The good thing about breakups is it often puts a mirror infront of us to see how we act in stressful situations that just dont come up everyday. You say she isnt logical, thats a bit of a value judgement. Everyone thinks in a different way, what makes sense to you, will simply not to her, you exist in the reality you perceive. Its next to impossible to find someone who will share your vision of reality, and interpret logic the way you do. Plus when someone is being overly emotional, trying to play logic games with them is often the last thing to do. We should just be open and affirming to their feelings even if we cant make sense of or agree with the reasons why they feel the way they do, just be supportive that they believe what they are going through. It makes sense to them, this should be good enough for us. Assuming you genuinely care about this person. I absolutely think you should let it go, and work on yourself. Lets say one day she has a change of heart and comes back to you, who do you want her to find? the person she left? or someone better? Probably the latter, so start being that person now. .
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