Hi Susannah,

No one will be able to understand what you are feeling.

No one’s hurting is the same as another’s.

Don’t be angry at yourself for still loving your ex-fiance. You can’t change how you feel for someone and you shouldn’t try to block out your emotions. Distractions are just that; distractions. They won’t take away your feelings.

What it sounds as though you are looking for, is love. We all need love and compassion. But we don’t need to look to others for this.

You need to accept your feelings and you need to give yourself some of the love that you are missing in your life.

You’re dealing with an incredibly difficult set of circumstances and you are doing well. Carrying on with life when you feel like your world has stopped spinning is no easy task and you should remind yourself how proud you feel about that.

Take pride in the things you are doing, and praise yourself for your own achievements. Remind yourself what your personal goals and wants are or at least were, and seek them out. Remember to take note with every small step you take.

Let go of the anger you have towards yourself for choosing to be with this man. You haven’t done anything wrong and you have no reason to resent yourself for feeling love. Redirect that love to yourself.

Remember that if you start to hate yourself, then you won’t be able to accept love from anyone.

Stay strong x

Honey its only been 6 months. That’s not a lot of time at all for something like this. This is a BIG thing.

I broke my wrist and it took longer than 6 months to heal it completely and get it back to working properly and that took hours of painful physio, hours of time where i had to sit with the pain, accept the pain because it was by working with the pain that I was going to get full movement back.

In a way it was the same when I had my heart broken by the person I thought was the love of my life, I had to sit with the pain and not resist it when it kept coming up for it to slowly resolve its self. Keeping busy is good and a dog is awesome for bring joy back into your life but be patient with yourself and your heart.

Big wounds take time to heal. I know what it can be like, the pain is so bad sometime you literally want to crawl out of your own body, your own life, you’d do anything to just get this part of it over with but the more you resist feeling the pain and processing it the longer it will take.

Even now 2 years later I still feel a dull throb occasionally but it will get better I promise just be kind to yourself and as Anita says make sure you really face the fact it is over. any hope that its not really over is like ripping out the stitches in the wound every time it starts to heal….

There are some good books out there that i found helpful – ‘its called a break up because its broken’ was one i liked.

x

Eris

Hi Susannah,

Thank you for you post! I’m living and feeling very similar emotions. Every minute of the day I think about him, and it has been over 3 months since he left me. My anxiety is destroying my life. During the week, I’m only able to sleep for a few hours a night and during the weekend I take sleeping pills to waste away my free time. Most days I’m filled with an overwhelming feeling of dread and thoughts of death are actually soothing. I’m unsure how I’ll survive my broken heart. I feel intensely lonely and I’m very fearful of my future. I’m seeing a therapist, but those sessions seem quite useless. Like you, I still try to exercise and socialize, but even then he’s always on my mind. Every day I think about contacting him, hoping that he’s missing me and regretting his decision to leave. But, somehow I have the sanity to realize that he’s probably moved on and wouldn’t respond to me anyway. So Susannah, I have no words of wisdom, or strategies to cope. Just know that you are definitely not alone in your struggles. I feel insanely lost and the pain can be debilitating. Please post back.