Home→Forums→Tough Times→HOW TO STOP FEELING GUILTY?
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Anonymous.
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April 22, 2018 at 10:17 am #203585
MinniveiParticipantHi everyone, im happy there is a forum like TinyBuddha where i can consult my problem.
I will just go right to the point. Right now i am 22 years old.
My fam was so damn poor back then, my dad died when i was 17 bcs we had no money to give him a proper treatment.
When i was 19, i got a scholarship & went to the university. I had a very low self-esteem, most of my friends come from a wealthy family. I was not confident and embarassed actually by my family’s financial condition.
Because my fam’s financial condition was getting worse, i decided to copy my best friend business without her knowing. (I handled this business with my sister and right now it is fully handled by my sister, since i decided to work in a company.)
As time went by, and as the business was getting bigger, i felt guilty. i tend to shut myself down from people because i was afraid people might know where all the money came from.
After 3 years being like that, finally i could be open to my friend and told her the truth. She said ‘It was okay, no need to feel guilty’. She forgave me.
I am glad to hear it from her, but until now, i still feel guilty since the business is still running until now, even tho it is already handled by my sist.
Help me, how to release this guilty feeling?
I have decided to work for a company.
I’ve talked about it with my sist, that i didnt want to help her again. I can see the disappointment in her eyes because actually it is still part of my responsibilities to help financing my mom, paying monthly house installment, monthly family’s expenses (like food, electricity, water, etc)..
So in the end, until now i still help my sist a lil bit.I just can’t choose.
Stop helping my fam and free from guilty feeling
VS
Still helping my fam and still feeling guilty.April 22, 2018 at 11:33 am #203597
AnonymousGuestDear Minnivei:
Maybe it is this guilt that is preventing your from feeling those butterflies (the other thread)?
You told your friend that you copied her business and she forgave you, you wrote. But you still feel guilty because you didn’t forgive yourself.
What you can do next, following telling your friend that you copied her business, is you can talk to her about a payment you can give her for copying her business. It is a practice that is done legally, in franchising, I believe. It is done before copying someone else’s business. You can make the payment after. You can discuss this with your friend, consult a lawyer, maybe… even put together a legal document as to the transaction and make it all legal … retroactively.
What do you think?
* Will be back to the computer in about sixteen hours.
anita
April 23, 2018 at 1:39 am #203689MinniveiParticipantHi Anita,
that’s right. I do have a feeling that these problems are somehow connecting to each other. No matter just how good this guy is, how well he treated me, i just still cant accept him, i can’t love him.
What i know is because i dont even love myself right now. I keep blaming myself. I cant love him, and right now i keep blaming myself because i feel bad for him.
I have this business & i blame myself too.
About your suggestion, i think it’s very impossible to do that. Is there any better suggestion? :((
Right now i think i will start being independent first with my own monthly salary. I think of trying to pay my own part with my own salary. Even tho my salary wont be enough to pay the house installment, but i will try. :””””
April 23, 2018 at 2:35 am #203699AnonymousGuestDear Minnivei:
Regarding a better suggestion, will you tell me just a bit about why my suggestion is “very impossible”? I need to know why it is so, for the purpose of suggesting something else.
Also: what is your relationship with the former best friend whose business you copied and how is she doing in her life?
Getting out of the business and being independent, as you wrote, reads like a good move on your part.
“I think of trying to pay my own part with my own salary”- I didn’t understand what you mean by”my own part”, hope you can explain it to me.
anita
April 23, 2018 at 1:55 pm #203769April 25, 2018 at 8:38 am #204053MinniveiParticipantDear Anita,
it is impossible, my sist wont agree with me.
My relationship with her is fine. Im more opened to her right now, and she really understands my condition. Her warm words made me feeling less guilty and now i feel better nit.
Umm so, i have two sisters. We decided to pay for the house monthly expenses together by dividing it equally. My second sister and I back then decided to join and put all the money into my mom bank account and the money will be used for paying all the family’s needs (until now it is still like this). But my oldest sister refused to join.
It is quite complicated right now. I want to be independet and do not want to help or to intervene with this business anymore, but on the other hand i also know my monthly salary from company wont be enough even to pay my own part. T__T
April 25, 2018 at 8:39 am #204055MinniveiParticipantDear Mark,
thank you so much. :)))) I appreciate it
April 25, 2018 at 10:06 am #204083AnonymousGuestDear Minnivei:
I know very little about your situation. With the little I understand about your situation, these are my suggestions:
1. Because you are inclined to feel guilty, because of your strong ethical sensitivity (and because it is socially responsible), make sure that your current and future choices are ethical, in your own evaluation. Resolve to act ethically and your guilt will lessen for making such a resolution.
2. Don’t burden yourself with seeing to it that your mother has any more than her basic needs met: adequate food, shelter, basic utilities and medical care.
3. Separate yourself from the business best you can, completely if possible and soon.
4. Do not try to please the sister who is unwilling to cooperate with you. Do not have a relationship with her at any cost to you.
5. Aim at becoming emotionally and otherwise independent from the business and from your family. You are 22. It is a shame that you are not living your life for you and that instead you are burdened as you are. It is your life, after all, born to be free, not born to be shackled by false family responsibilities.
anita
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