I met the father of my child in 2012, he was new at work aand we fell in love with each other. I was not entirely single when we met, I was dating but it was new and we bother agreed that we were just trying out the relationship. I started dating the father of my child whilest have not break off the relationship I had and I told him that I have not yet broken up with the other guy. we agreed that I will be gentle to him and talk to him without just dropping him off. I successfully broke up with that guy and I was fully dating the father of mu child. He never trusted me, because I cheates on the previous guy, he was always saying I would do the same to him, even when I have explai.dd to him that out relationship with tje other guy was never serious. I then chose to overlook such things and we moved on. He was very close to me, he would even argue when he sees me wearing something new, asking me when did I buy it and how come he was never there. I thought those were just things that comes with the relationship.

He was a great guy, treating me well and supporting me. I then fell pregnant, we were both very happy, he was spending on me for medical bills, all other things I needed. then we had a baby boy and things started to change. we were distant as I was now caring much for the baby. the relationship was hot and cold. he loves his child so much and could do anything for him. with our ups and downs we tried to make it work but there was just anger and hate between us. my contract at the company we both worked at expired and got a job at another company. He bought a new car and started to change a lot. one thing I should mention is that he was not from my town which is the town we were working at and living. he was from another town and only came because of work. when he bought a car he started going to his hometown a lot even during weekdays after work.He started to post photos of him and his ex-girlfriend at movies, at soccer games and driving around. With me I was always had to take out money for fuel if I want to go around in his car, and always had excuses when we where suppose to use his car even for the baby purpose. life became too great for him at his hometown that he broke up with me and later resigned from his job. I went to him and askes him if he is sure he want to resign because in our country it is very difficult to get another job, he said to me not when he is seriously looking for a job, he wont spend more than three months looking for a job. I was not permanent at work and I had fear of raising a child as single mother. I communicated that with him, and all he said was that I will be fine, that was so hurting, he did not care what happens to me or how I will raise that child, something was on my throad and I couldnt further that conversation. the week he was leaving I made out with him thinking that will change his mind, he was constantly on the phone with his ex-girlfriend the whole night, I was more hurt.

He moved to his hometown which is about 55 kilometre from my town. it was in 2015 and our sone was 1year six months. I was crying myself to sleep everyday, especially when I look at my son. I never imagen myself being a single mother. I was very angry and confused, we used to exchange very hurtful words for about a month after he moved. I later found tiny buddah and started to read it everyday new posts. it was the pillar to me, it started building me, especially about loving myself. I did not date from 2015 until late 2016. I dont know if I have properly healed from that relationship or not. he does not see his child its been two years now. he only calls. always saying he does not have money to come visit him. since he left the job in 2015 he has not found any job. he is been unemployed. recently at the company he worked at, they told me that someone is leaving at the position he was at and if he is interested he can come back because he was an excellent worker and they hears he has not found a job. That company is one of the big banks that everyone wish to work for and they wanted him back, which for me I believe is luck or blessing or something special.

I called him to tell him the news, and first it was his girlfriend on the phone answering, I got angry and hanged up. he then called me back and I ignored his calls, he called me the whole day until I answered his call, he asked me what is it, is there something wrong with the child and I said no, and I said he must never mind my call and we both hanged up. then later that day we were chatting on whatsapp, I told him why I called, then he told me he does not work at my town, and I was hurt very hurt, I told him that he only want to stay and co-hebit with a girl, and not intereated in helping me to raise a child. he is been unemployed for two years and he has the resposibility of raising a child, for me I see him as not having much choice but to take the job. he told me that he rather be unemployed than to work there, he want to be close to his girlfriend.

I am struggling financially with the child and I also went back to study part time at the unicersity, and also support my parents. our conversation was very hurting that I cried and felt like I went ten steps back to how I was feeling when he left. every time I have a conversation with him it ends up with me being very hurt. I cannot stop talking to him as he is the father of my child. I sometimes dont discuss other things about the child because he end up saying things that hurts me. I want my child to know him and have a relationship with him, but I struggle to include him in his life.

I am not sure what to do, all I want is the best for my son, the support from him. all he say is he was supporting me, and now that he cant I try to make him feel like he cannot support his child, and I know when he is working he support his child. but what about in the meantime?? I want to peacefully move away from this situation and I dont know how, it is emotionally draining me.
anything that can help me move away and raise my child with no expectations from him