I’m need some advice. My husband and I have hung around with 2 other couples for a couple years. My husband started hanging out with these guys and pushed really hard for me to hang out with their wives. When I did start hanging out with them, it was fine, we all got along well and I even hung out with the wives sometimes when our husbands did their own thing.

One night, my husband and I had a huge blowout one night while he was out with our friends. I later found out that he was talking bad about me to them this night.

A couple weeks after, we all took a trip together that we had planned well in advance. We all shared a room and when they got there one of the wives was joking about a raunchy dream she had about one of the other husbands. I thought it was super inappropriate but I didn’t say anything because it wasn’t my place. it just felt weird but we all went out, the night went on and we had a pretty good time I thought. My husband and I went back to the hotel early to get food before the bar closed.

the other couples came back a couple hours later and thought it was funny to expose themselves in the restaurant. It got worse when we got back to the room. The girl who had the raunchy dream and the guy she had the dream about were almost egging each other on and their spouses seemed equally amused. They were joking but he was walking around with his pants half off and asking her to take her top off. It just felt so uncomfortable for me that instead of drawing straws for the couch like we had all discussed, I pretty much demanded the couch so they could have the beds and my husband and I could have our own space. I wasn’t trying to be demanding at all. I tried to tell him I just wanted the couch so they could have their space and we could have ours. My husband was angry that I did this because I embarrassed him and made it seem like I call all the shots. That and he didn’t want to sleep on the couch. He said that I treated him like crap and I didn’t consider what he wanted. In all fairness, I really didn’t give him an option but I really was that uncomfortable. I had never felt this way around them before.

MY husband and I left early the next morning. They must have heard us fighting because no one said anything about the night before. we all just acted like nothing happened. I ended up apologizing to my husband because I didn’t want to let this drive us apart. we saw them a week later and the girls acted strange toward me. When my husband and I left, one of the girls told me to have a “lovely evening” but it was weird because she never talks like that so it seemed like a snub.

I’ve avoided being around them ever since and my husband finally picked up on it and asked if I would ever hang out with them again. I told him I didn’t want to because he had talked badly about me to them and because of how weird the trip was for me. Now he’s angry that I won’t hang out with them because it puts him in an awkward position when they ask where I am. I told him that I really don’t think they care. they haven’t reached out to me or vice versa so I think they’re just being polite but he still gets angry because he feels like he has to keep us apart.

Im torn because we really struggled with our marriage after our daughter was born and things seemed like they were starting to get better. I know I need to make an effort and that they’re going to continue to be in our lives but I feel weird around them knowing how my husband has talked about me to them and especially after that weird night. I do believe him when he says he only spoke badly about me that one occasion. It WAS a pretty bad fight and neither of us was without blame. I just can’t shake the feeling that they don’t want me around and I don’t want to be around them.

How can I make this work for all of us? Do I just need to suck it up?