Home→Forums→Relationships→I am a hypocrite and I'm ashamed of myself.
- This topic has 20 replies, 4 voices, and was last updated 6 years, 1 month ago by Anonymous.
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November 17, 2018 at 12:52 am #238129SeekingSolaceParticipant
anita,
Although I have been struggling to forgive what she did, we are both struggling to let go.
I did go to speak to her that night and once more since. At some points, I completely forgot about why the relationship ended and things felt normal. We did talk about the situation, then we laughed together like we always had done.
We never drifted prior to the break-up. It feels like it’s ended suddenly for no good reason, even though I know it has.
While I have come to realise that a serious relationship with her is unlikely to happen again for reasons other than what she did (She wants children in the future and I don’t and we both now have potential career paths that will mean being far away from each other) I am not ready to be without her.
November 17, 2018 at 6:36 am #238171AnonymousGuestDear SeekingSolace:
I suppose you are emotionally attached to her, have good memories and want more of those before life proceeds for the two of you separately. Am I understanding correctly, that you are continuing a somewhat bf/gf relationship knowing it is temporarily and both of you are aware and in agreement that it is temporary?
anita
November 17, 2018 at 12:02 pm #238197SeekingSolaceParticipantanita
The emotional attachment is still very much there.
You could put it like that – while we are no longer labeling ourselves as in a relationship but our behaviour over the past few days would suggest otherwise.
Both of us know deep down that it is temporary. I am worried knowing that eventually, I will have to let go. Is there any advice you can give me for when this time comes?
November 18, 2018 at 5:04 am #238235AnonymousGuestDear SeekingSolace:
My advice is to bring up what is now “deep down”. What happened recently, after her cheating and your experience described page 1, is that you most recently “completely forgot about why the relationship ended and things felt normal.. It feels like it’s ended suddenly for no good reason”-
so currently there is a denial of sorts, denying that she cheated, denying that something significant happened that ended the relationship, and enjoying that normal of before. Maybe she figures that you had your experience with another woman after the breakup and now the two of you are.. even.
My advice is to talk about what did happen before the breakup, talk about her cheating, talk about whether she now thinks the two of you are even, talk about what each of you hopes for this current (post breakup) relationship.
Every time we depart from Reality so to maintain a good feeling that is not congruent with reality, we end up suffering unnecessarily later.
anita
November 21, 2018 at 8:02 am #240025SeekingSolaceParticipantThank you for your response, anita.
We by no means felt like we were equal, as the releationship had ended before I slept with another woman. We did try again recently to work on things but we mutually came to the conclusion that we will have to break up eventually due to wanting very different things in the future. We have decided to cut our losses, but are not completely closed off to the idea of working on things if we feel we cannot be without eachother. I am glad to be able to say that we have ended things on good terms. Depsite her mistakes, she is a really wonderful person and I wouldn’t have wanted us to end with any animosity between us.
Thank you to everyone who has responded to my post, you have all said some really insihtful things and I’m pleased to report that I am now at peace with everything that has happened. 🙂
November 21, 2018 at 8:21 am #240033AnonymousGuestDear SeekingSolace:
You are welcome and I am glad you found the solace you were seeking!
anita
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